Eat it, James Cameron – all that talk about Avatar ushering in a new era of 3D magic was a lot of tits.

For starters, Avatar looks like bum. And secondly, Avatar can’t usher in a new era of 3D magic because The Final Destination has already ushered it in. For the second week on the trot, The Final Destination is number one at the weekend box office.

Why? Well, what would you rather watch in 3D? A blue Jar Jar Binks buggering about pointlessly, or a woman getting her face smashed off by a runaway racing car tyre? Exactly.

The Final Destination is the top movie at the US weekend box office for the second week, probably because it utilises digital 3D technology in a way that will never be bettered. Sure, Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers may have released movies in 3D, but did Nick Jonas get his chest cavity crushed by a clump of falling masonry in his movie? Did Miley Cyrus’ torso get squished through a wire fence in her movie? No. The answer is no. Case closed.

Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 – The Final Destination (They say this is the last film of the Final Destination series. If it is, then Saw had better start figuring out 3D technology pretty sharpish. We want to see a man drowning in liquidised pig intestines in three glorious dimensions, damn it) $12,435,000

2 - All About Steve (Not as good as The Proposal, apparently. Read that again – this film isn’t as good as the film where, for no reason, Sandra Bullock dances around a campfire singing about her sweaty testicles to a pensioner. And they said it could never be done) $11,200,000

3 - Inglourious Basterds (Apparently this was based on an old movie from the 1970s, called something like Overlong And Boring War Nonsense That Nobody Has Ever Seen And Fewer People Have Liked, probably) $10,847,000

4 - Gamer (A film where someone literally controls Gerard Butler in a videogame. And doesn’t repeatedly throw him off a cliff onto a procession of jagged rocks, the massive tit) $9,000,000

5 - District 9 (A film that teaches you to think twice about your attitudes towards immigrants. Specifically, about how you shouldn’t spray yourself in the face with any of their jism or something) $7,000,000

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