The Day We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Frog

The Crazy Frog (CDs) is not that bad. There we said it.

At a push the little guy’s actually kinda cute. He may have a big mouth and a little penis but, as anyone who has ever seen Shallow Grave (DVDs) can attest, that’s never stopped Keith Allen from getting ahead.

It’s a second week at number one for the Frog’s synthesizerspastic rendition of Axel-F (originally part of Harold Faltermeyer’s score for the film Beverly Hills Cop).

Coldplay (CDs) have apparently plagiarised themselves one too many times. Their single Clocks - sorry Speed of Sound - only managed to cling onto the number seven slot. Amazingly, Akon’s Lonely (CDs) has jarred its way back up the chart to number two. With the second position’s puerile relation to a sit-down only toilet function, this number does at least seem appropriate.

Far from stamping our feet like impatient Morris dancers we’ve decided to not give a damn about Axel-F being number one. Frankly, we quite like the track.

Yep, the editor’s let that through unscathed.

The gargling little greenback is annoying, but no more annoying than Chris Martin singing away like a partially deaf Popstars finalist. Though each to their own, horses for courses, etc.

The Crazy Frog samples, well steals, the criminally infectious Axel F. A track that it’s impossible to hate no matter how many Manics albums you own (especially if you’re young enough not to remember the 1985 single release). Try not whistling the opening bars when you next hear it beeping out of your radio like a tuneful smoke alarm. It’s like not trying to look at a streaker’s nuts during a footy match. Difficult at best and doesn’t prove you’re a man.

We’re not saying that we’ve gone out and bought the Crazy Frog single, more than enough soon-to-be diabetic eight-year-olds are doing that already. We just feel that a bandwagon’s not always for jumping on.

There are plenty of people out there complaining if the Crazy Frog even pops up during their precious Coronation Street advert break. But the kids couldn’t give a monkey’s. To them, your opinion is about as welcome as corporal punishment. You don’t like the Crazy Frog, but they certainly do. That’s why they’ve spent all their sweetie money getting it to number one. And keeping it there.

Stacks of novelty songs have been much worse than the Crazy Frog – Star Trekkin’ and Mr Blobby jump to mind like two rabid schizophrenics wanting their pills. It’s not a track worth spilling bile over really.

We suggest not screaming the next time Axel-F hops and skips its way into your earlobes. Cry at the state of the UK chart if you must (actually buy a single if it bothers you that much), but just try giving a little “ring, ding” when the Frog first shifts into gear. Like a gay man coming out to his parents, you’ll feel much better for it we guarantee.

Learn to take a punch with a Crazy Frog vest from eBay .

[story by Chris Laverty]