Have you heard of The Chainsmokers? The Chainsmokers are an EDM duo which basically tells you everything you need to know about them and that in itself defends the title of this article; however, I actually have more I want to say about them.
These guys, Drew Taggart and Alex Hill, have been releasing some pretty big hits over the past year, so Billboard decided to do a story on them. However, the accompanying interview reads like rich-date-rapist-frat-boy meets Kanye West meets Miles Teller talking about his own dick. It’s actually painful.
I’ve been suspecting for a while now that this duo might just be a couple of self-obsessed douche bags.
Evidence? While, in the past, they’ve gotten people with actual vocal talent to sing on their tracks, on their most recent hit, ‘Closer’, they for some reason decided to sing the song themselves. While they did get Halsey to sing on ‘Closer’ as well, Drew Taggart is actually the main vocalist on the song which makes NO FUCKING SENSE as he has the vocal ability of a tone deaf Mormon with autism (Mormon’s and people with autism tend to have really monotone voices, okay?!). Every time I listen to the song on the radio I think ‘How fucking self-indulgent must these guys be if they think he’s even remotely decent enough to sing on this song? Paula Abdul wouldn’t have even had anything nice to say about him on season fucking 1 of American Idol!’ But that’s neither here nor there.
In their Billboard interview, The Chainsmokers (who actually probably chain vape, by the sounds of them), dropped some major humble gems that I really can’t even handle but desperately need to share with you.
Even though they’re extremely new to the game of being famous and making hits, they’re VERY modest about their success:
Only Justin Bieber and Drake can hold a candle to what we’ve done. Now we’re influencing the industry, putting out songs everyone copies…. I don’t know what to say to people who think it’s a con. We’re literally going for our third double-platinum record this year.
They also super respect women and are 100% doing this for their love of making music, not to get laid:
Even before success, pussy was number one. Like, ‘Why am I trying to make all this money?’ I wanted to hook up with hotter girls. I had to date a model… We’re just frat bro dudes, you know what I mean? Loving ladies and stuff.
They then explained why the cryptic line “17.34 combined inches… think about it..” is featured on their website:
Oh, that’s our penises combined … tip to tip.
What the fuck is it with EDM guys?! Other than Calvin Harris, they all seem like MAJOR douche bags. Like Diplo! Seriously, that guy seems like such a self-centered cunt! I literally Googled one time ‘Is Diplo actually an asshole?’ and do you know what I discovered? HE IS.
Like, how long is it going to be before it’s on the news that The Chainsmokers get arrested for sexually assaulting an unconscious, intoxicated fan and like, texted pics of the whole thing to Diplo? I give it 6 months.
Tbag says
They have got to be trolling us. It’s like a how to be a douchebag checklist that they followed step by step.