The Bourne Ultimatum – the third movie where Matt Damon loses his memory apart from all the bits that let him do a bunch of fancy car chases around some of the world's most famous landmarks – is top of the weekend box office.
By taking more money than the rest of the US weekend box office combined, The Bourne Ultimatum is helping the box office summer season go out with a bang – albeit a gritty, realistic bang that alludes heavily to the current American government. And it's not just the summer box office season that The Bourne Ultimatum is helping to close – as the final film in the Bourne trilogy, The Bourne Ultimatum also marks the end of Matt Damon's stay as a box office-conquering action hero. Fingers crossed that this means we'll finally get to see Matt Damon in more hilarious romantic comedies about co-joined twins from now on.
Of course we're only joking – films like The Bourne Ultimatum have helped propel Matt Damon into a rarefied group of Hollywood actors who can mix it with Martin Scorsese one minute, star in ridiculously smug back-slappy movies with their Hollywood chums the next and make serious films about important issues that nobody will ever watch for several minutes after that. After Ocean's Thirteen and The Bourne Ultimatum, it's the latter that Matt Damon will be seen in next, in the Untitled Serious Matt Damon Darfur Environment Adoption Carbon Emissions Poverty Project (Working Title). Here's the US weekend box office top five:
1 – The Bourne Ultimatum (Very obviously the final movie in the Bourne trilogy, at least for another 40 years until Jason Bourne loses his memory again due to the onset of dementia and spends two hours trying to remember what a tin opener is for) $70,181,000
2 – The Simpsons Movie (Yes, everyone's saying that The Simpsons Movie is a disappointment, but you should be thankful for that fact – because if it had stayed at the top of the weekend box office for a second week, we were going to publish a picture of Bart Simpson's penis right up there where Matt Damon's gurning face currently is) $25,600,000
3 – Underdog (It's a dog that's also a superhero! Watch Underdog defeat evil megalomaniacs by humping them on the leg, then licking his own balls for an hour and drinking out of the toilet!) $12,009,000
4 – I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry (This just in – America now finds the thought of two men kissing less funny than a talking dog but more funny than John Travolta all dressed up like a lady) $10,528,000
5 – Hairspray (Keep plugging away, John Travolta – one day your countrymen will find you as amusing as two gay men) $9,325,000