It's been about six or seven seconds since The Beatles last found a way to cynically repackage some of their songs and pass it off as new material, so we were always going to be due some kind of new Beatles crap soon.
And now it's arrived. Next month, The Beatles are going to release 'new' album Love. And when we say 'new' we mean 'lots of bits of old Beatles songs mangled together'. And when we say 'album' we mean 'a soundtrack to a bunch of poncey French acrobats leaping around that's coming out on CD just in time for Christmas'. Cleared that up? Good.
It's long been speculated that The Beatles were just about to reunite when John Lennon got shot. Obviously a dead John Lennon probably wouldn't have been such a draw for Beatles fans, so these plans were shelved, and plan B was put into action. That plan involved every single object that John Lennon ever owned getting flogged off at auction while the other Beatles repackage their hits so that they can make a bunch more money every couple of years. There was the 1 compilation, the Let It Be Naked album, and now there's Love.
Love? That sounds familiar. Isn't that the name of the new Beatles-soundtracked Cirque Du Soleil show where a pretentious clown twats about on a bit of rope while Lovely Rita plays in the background? Why, yes it is! E! Online describes new Beatles album Love like this:
Coming together in ways impossible to envision four decades ago, the Beatles are back with a new album, Love, that remixes and mashes up classic Beatles tunes along with outtakes, demos and song scraps never before released by the Fab Four under the guidance of the band's legendary producer, George Martin, and his son, Giles… Thanks to the Martins' audio wizardry and state-of-art digital technology, Love combines snippets of more than 130 Beatles tracks with a variety of ambient noises and textures. So don't be surprised to hear elements of "Lady Madonna" mixed in with "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da," and "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?" and Eric Clapton's guitar solo from "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." There are tweaked versions of "Eleanor Rigby," "Get Back," "Octopus' Garden" and, natch, "All You Need Is Love."
Which sounds, um, interesting. OK, it sounds rubbish, but at least you don't have to think too hard about what to get your Dad for Christmas now. Plus the money will come in handy for when Paul McCartney decides to properly divorce his monoped wife.
Of course, it's hard to know where The Beatles will go after the Love album. Obviously we can't shake the feeling that once Ringo Starr dies we'll be treated to Paul McCartney Presents Basslines Of The Beatles, Volumes One To A Billion, but what about the meantime? After all, 50 Cent is the new Beatles, isn't he?
[story by Stuart Heritage]