The Beatles were an OK band, weren't they? But we can't help feeling that certain things would have improved the music that The Beatles made, like 60 morons with stupid make-up swinging around on bits of rope.
What's that? Our long-anticipated dream of watching a pretentious, jumped-up clown rolling around the floor in a big hula hoop while Maxwell's Silver Hammer plays in the background have finally been realised, thanks to George Martin and Cirque Du Soleil? Thank heavens for that.
Despite splitting up 36 years ago and half of them being dead, The Beatles are still a popular beat combo, whether it's TV psychics contacting John Lennon's spirit or Paul McCartney getting his knickers in a twist about Canadian seals while beaming up his rubbish new songs into space. However, the music that The Beatles has often been secondary to the bandmembers' goonish pursuits. But not any more!
Cirque Du Soleil, the group of acrobats that enthrall audiences worldwide with their breathtaking displays of incredible ponciness, yesterday started selling tickets for Love, a show based around music by The Beatles. As well as the usual dressing up in glittery spandex and rolling down bits of rope hanging from the ceiling, Love will also feature acrobats recreating the Beatles' heyday of the 1960s by doing BMX stunts.
Speaking about Love to the Associated Press, Cirque Du Soleil creative director Gilles Ste-Croix said:
"Love is really the strongest theme of what the Beatles used to create their songs. From their first song, their first success, it was about love, to the last song they recorded."
That last song, of course, would be I Me Mine – one of the most egotistical, selfish records written by anyone ever, and not really all that much to do with love. But you get the idea – we certainly don't want to disagree with Cirque Du Soleil in case they sent the eight-foot scary clowns round to do us in.
But if the thought of watching Beatles songs theatrically re-imagined by a bunch of under-developed gymnasts and burly contortionists doesn't exactly rock your world, then Love has an ace up its sleeve – Beatles producer George Martin is in charge of the music, and – after spending two years crafting the soundtrack – he seems pretty jazzed about it:
"One of the biggest challenges of the job was getting the balance of the songs right. We wanted to make sure there are enough good, solid hit songs in the show, but we don't want it to be a catalogue of 'best of's'. We also wanted to put in some interesting and not well-known Beatles music and use fragments of songs."
Part of us is interested to hear what George Martin has come up with. Don't forget that George Martin created much of The Beatles' best work, and the music in Love will be crystal clear – with each seat in the Las Vegas theatre having three individual speakers built into them.
But we're also a little disturbed – the last Beatley thing that George Martin attempted was an album of Beatles cover versions. And anyone who's heard the Jim Carrey version of I Am The Walrus has every reason to be very, very afraid indeed.
Love by Cirque Du Soleil will open on June 30 at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas.
[story by Stuart Heritage]