Being a celebrity is hard. After all, the headaches are endless. There’s finding a trustworthy heroin dealer, disinfecting your home after orgies and, of course, perfecting your signature red carpet pose.
I’m not sure what’s so hard about standing around and taking a picture, but some celebrities seem to have it down to an art. ?From Tom Cruise’s “gun fingers” to Kristen Stewart’s “I don’t give a shit” hair combing, there are a slew of celebrities who should probably rethink their ridiculous red carpet poses.
Let’s start with Tom.
No one loves pointing while wearing sunglasses more than Tom Cruise. It’s his thing. If you’re doing a Tom Cruise impression, pointing while wearing sunglasses is a must. It’s a dumb, douchey pose, but to be quite honest, it’s the least of Tom Cruise’s problems. Pretty much everything he does is ridiculous, and he should stop all of it.
And just for fun, here’s a crazy Tom Cruise quote, courtesy of my new favorite website, TomCruiseIsNuts.com.
“I’m usually nervous to meet people that I admire because what if they’re not cool or something?”
Moving on.
Angelina Jolie is such an attractive human being, she can get away with pretty much anything, including stealing someone’s husband. We forgave her for that. Why? Because she’s just so goddamn attractive.
That being said, what the fuck was this:
Angelina got a shit ton of bad press for this ridiculous red carpet pose. Yes, we could overlook the whole Brad Pitt thing, but this? Unforgivable.
Luckily, it was a one-time thing.
Yeah, we get it Vanessa Hudgens. You’re cute as a button. But if you ever want to be taken seriously as an actress, you gotta stop this lame Betty Boop kiss blowing thing. This isn’t Facebook, kid. This is the red carpet. Mature that shit up.
Megan Fox made a name for herself based on one thing: her hotness. But now that she’s a (semi) household name,? she has the freedom to move on to other things. Things like, oh, I dunno, acting.? But nah, Megan’s fine with just being a sex symbol. And one of her favorite red carpet poses is sticking her tongue out, like in the above picture.? I can only imagine it’s an attempt to look seductive, in which case, she might as well stick her ass in the air and “present” herself. Like a baboon.
Paris Hitlon’s signature red carpet pose consists of arching her back in a completely unnatural manner, and then slowly leaning into place. The pose is meant to elongate the body, making her look statuesque. Too bad it can’t make her look talented.
Finally, Kristen Stewart can’t seem to make it through a red carpet without her signature hand-in-the-hair pose. It says both, “I’m awkward,” and “I’m from the 90s.” Stewart’s “I don't give a shit” look must have rubbed off on her ex, too. Robert Pattinson is also known for combing his hand through his hair on the red carpet. It really depresses me that I wrote that last sentence.
It takes celebrities a while to perfect their signature poses. After some trial and error, most of them get it down to an exact science. But in the end, it’s really just smiling and saying, “cheese,” isn’t it?
Then again, maybe that explains why I have a double chin and half closed eyes in nearly all my photos.