In most movie genres, the character in the wheelchair will usually be somewhat sympathetic, often resolving the film’s theme by relating it to his lack of feeling in the legs. The horror genre is avant-garde in a sense by combating this entirely. If you see a crippled character in a horror movie, he won’t only be not sympathetic, he’ll be you’re least favorite person in the film.
These are five crippled horror characters who were about as sympathetic as the BTK killer.
Mark- Friday the 13th Part 2
Mark wants to get laid so badly, which is a feeling I can understand. If I go somewhere and haven’t had sex in five days, send someone to find me, and later to have sex with me. Mark spends almost all of his time trying to get into the pants of one girl, and when she finally lets on that she’s down to work around his body in order to achieve orgasm, he gets a machete in the face. I know that a horny guy that isn’t real doesn’t sound that annoying, but look at this guy.
Try not to hate him. I dare you. If he didn’t have that machete in his head, you’d just be thinking about punching him.
J.C. – Night of the Creeps
Crutches-using J.C. has a joke for every situation, and he tests the body’s ability to consume humor. If your girlfriend fell down the stairs, J.C. would sheepishly lift a banana peel. J.C. will see a dramatic situation happening and sabotage it with a pun or poor attempt at a punch line. He does this consistently throughout the movie. It’s as if the writer got fired from his job at Saturday Night Live and wanted revenge in the most passive way possible.
At one point, the main love interest is attempting to tell the geeky protagonist something important. J.C. goes with them on their walk and will not hesitate to not shut the fuck up at any moment. The girl is almost to the point of tears and is utterly frustrated, but J.C. sees any bodily function that isn’t a joke as a threat to his well being and he continues until he simply drops out of the scene. He just vanishes.
Maybe he had a line that signaled his reason for walking away, but I don’t remember it. He simply left, because, when a writer creates a tornado of unfunny like J.C., a simple “I’m going to walk away, like a normal human,” doesn’t suffice. J.C. probably saw a girl’s sweater and hobbled quickly away to be sarcastic about it. Or maybe he saw a squirrel and had to whisper “You’re nuts!” into its ear before someone else did anything that was even slightly bearable.
Franklin – The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was built to be a relentless cinematic experience, and nothing illustrates those intentions more than Franklin. Franklin is the most annoying character on this list because he has absolutely no redeeming qualities. He can and will complain about everything. If it was Christmas, he’d complain that there weren’t enough Jack O’Lanterns. If you bought Franklin dinner, he’d whine that it wasn’t already chewed up for him.
Franklin is absolutely helpless and he lets you know hear all about it. He can’t push his wheelchair very well through the Texas underbrush and when he gets in a place where he can push himself, he’s constantly getting his wheels caught in holes or is accidently bumping into walls. This makes it so satisfying when Leatherface chainsaws Franklin in the end, because, up until that point, if a tree fell in the woods, what you’d hear was Franklin complaining.
Justin – Hostel 3
Justin spends all his alive-time in Hostel 3 moping and being sad. He can’t pick up women because girls see his wheelchair and make out with each other, and his friends make decisions so stupid that you’d swear you’d accidently switched channels to a documentary on the RNC. And he also gets the stereotypical “sad guy” death in the movie, in which he’s killed excruciatingly, to make you feel bad for him.
Writers do that a lot when their characters are one-sided, cardboard cut outs of people. They’ll make what happens to them “extra painful” so that you’ll feel bad for them, because of what’s happening, rather than because actual talent went into making them interesting. Sorry, Hostel 3, but when I can’t feel bad for the crippled character, even after I’ve seen him get rejected and then eviscerated, you might as well call your movie Eject DVD Properly because I don’t care anymore.
Will – A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
Wheelchair-bound Will, the Wizard Master, is a nerd. Movies let us know when we’re dealing with a nerdy character by showing them with the most obvious nerd paraphernalia possible. If the character likes science fiction, then he’ll have mobiles of the Enterprise attached to his room. If he likes horror, he’ll have a desk that looks like mine. And if he likes fantasy, then the audience better load up on dice-preventing spermicide, because you’re about to get ear-raped by pseudo Dungeons & Dragons references.
Will is in the 3rd category, and, compared to everyone else on the list, he isn’t that bad. What makes him so annoying is the fact that, when the characters enter the dream world to combat Freddy Krueger, despite his fantasy knowledge, Will’s powers still suck something hard.
He’s a role playing nerd. He should know, and dream about, having powers that eclipse everyone else’s. Whether it be the power to drench any thong any girl is wearing with his own sweat or drop a volcano on a dreamscape-walking serial killer, his powers should at least be more than a brief jolt of shitty electricity.
Freddy ends up fighting Will in the dream world and turns Will’s wheelchair into this medieval torture sex chair and makes it chase after him. Will destroys it with lightning and is then promptly killed by Freddy. Is this supposed to be inspiring? Will destroys the symbol of his disability but ends up just being killed easily, seconds later? In that case, suck it, wheelchairs! …I guess.