Ahh, the 1980s. They?re back, apparently, thanks to a new film about a magic hot tub, and what a decade!
Depressed, unemployed miners moped around in wine bars wearing tiny little fluorescent shorts and boob tubes. Businessmen carried mobile phones in rucksacks on their backs.
Absolutely everyone drank cocktails, ladies with feathery blonde hair attended aerobics classes every Thursday, and who could ever forget those three gorgeous pin-ups battling to tighten everyone's chinos? Debbie Harry, the one from Bananarama, the pretty lady in Culture Club?
Yes, it was quite a time, and after the jump, you can enjoy a list of the ten greatest movies from a decade that stuck two big fingers up at the pipe smoking beardos who made the 1970s all bulbous and prog-rock.
First Blood
Stallone plays an angry killing machine who has taken to wandering through middle America in an almighty huff to get over Vietnam. It begins with him poking around a tiny little hick town in search of a missing friend, but in a feature length Dr Pepper advert prophecy (what's the worst that could happen?), he soon ends up lurking in the local woods, attempting to butcher hundreds of cops using old bits of tree and a hunting knife.
Robocop
The 1980s celebrated the extreme use of violence, and they don't come much more gruesome than Robocop – the tale of a bobby getting shot to smithereens, before coming back to life as a robot, making him a bit like Darth Vader, only not really. In amongst the people getting shot in the face lurks a tale about the human spirit, and how it can never really die. Moving.
Purple Rain
Prince plays The Kid, a troubled young musician who just wants to be famous. Great scenes include: Prince pootling down country lanes on his purple moped, dressed like a neon dandy. Prince making bitchy comments about other people to hide his own unhappiness. And Prince doing what he does best ? just being Prince. A masterpiece.
The Breakfast Club
Quite probably the late John Hughes?s finest hour and a half, The Breakfast Club is the story of a geek, a twit, a prom thing, a doofus, a goth, a hippy, a dimwit, a douche bag, a moron, a stupid face, a nomark, a male model, a twunt, a muscle Mary, a dork, a twat, a gimp, and a numbnuts all sitting around through a long Saturday detention, attempting to figure out how they will ever get along. In the end they do, as they come together and rally against the common enemy ? teachers! And parents! And probably their teacher?s parents!
9 ? Weeks
Pre-op Mickey Rourke plays a mysterious smooth talker, who spends most of the film making love to Kim Basinger using increasingly kinky techniques such as: smearing food all over a lady?s torso, doing it down alleyways. This makes Kim Basinger feel really sexy, but it also drives her to the edge of insanity. Why? Because Rourke might be great in bed, but he just doesn't seem like particularly good husband material. As you can imagine, this enraged most of the facial haired feminists/lesbians watching.
Scarface
In 1983?s Scarface, Al Pacino introduced the world to his new acting technique, known in the trade as ‘shouting’. It has served him well. Anyway, in this, he played Tony Montana ? a moody Cuban man climbing the cocaine career ladder in 1980s Florida, whilst simultaneously sporting lots of loud shirts, attempting to woo Michelle Pfeiffer with some godawful disco dancing, and eventually making friends with a gun that fires grenades!
Breakdance: The Movie
In a decade awash with great underdog stories ? The Karate Kid, Rocky IV, Teen Wolf – this was by far the most moving. It's the tale of a frustrated young ballerina making friends with some macho bodypoppers, before earning her stripes taking down suckers in street dancing battles. The final sequence features three free spirits teaching boring old people what being young and sexy?is all about. The tears flowed like free Ribena that day, friends.
Body Heat
For those who haven't seen it, Body Heat is ace. You've got Kathleen Turner in the days when she was gorgeous (ie. Before she played Chandler?s DAD in Friends), the brilliant William Hurt, then you throw Ted Danson and Mickey Rourke into the mix, and you've literally just blown our minds. It's the tale of an arch seductress making William Hurt feel very cramped in the underpants, mainly by showing him her boobs more than just the once. Great stuff.
Fletch
Some insist that Chevy Chase is probably the most underrated actor of all time, which is a bold statement, and definitely not true at all. Although he is pretty good in Fletch. He plays an investigative journalist who likes dressing up and pretending to be other people in a bid to out corrupt cops and humiliate drugs barons. In some ways, it's a bit like James Bond. Although, in other ways, it's nothing like James Bond. And, on the downside, the sequel is total bollocks.
The Man With Two Brains
With those appalling Pink Panther movies, and a so-so cameo in 30 Rock, it's sometimes hard to remember just how good Steve Martin once was, but it's probably fair to say that back in the late 70s and early 1980s, he couldn't be touched. The Jerk is one of the all-time greats, as is this ? the story of a man who is in love with a woman?s mind… that’s actually in a jar!?Cue hilarity.
This was a guest post by Josh Burt from Interestment which, as you should know by now, is good.
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JMTaylor says
Yep, the 80s were brilliant – you forgot to mention shoulder pads so big that you had to turn sideways to enter a door. Also BIG hair, which took ages to tease into place and two cans of hairspray to hold in place. Anyway, I digress….
The Man With Two Brains is totally hilarious. I can remember laughing for hours after watching it as snippets kept coming back into my brain (I only have the one btw). If I recall correctly, Kathleen Turner delivered another, sexy, funny performance in this as Steve Martin’s bitchy, gold-digging wife who withholds sex to the extent that Steve’s character resorts to kissing a skeleton which is hanging in a doctors office. I could go on spoiling it for others, but really, just watch it.
skid tallywhacker says
what about die hard? idiots.
:^) says
Runaway Train from 1985 starring Jon Voight and Eric Roberts,
The River’s Edge from 1986 starring a young Keanu Reeves and Ione Skye, and
The Lost Boys from 1987 starring a young Kiefer Sutherland and Jason Patrick (this should be at the top of the list). Thanks for adding these genuinely interesting and well made films to your scurrilous list!