20:02 Baftas in summary. Freezing cold. Soaking wet. Ignored by everyone. Slumdog Millionaire wins everything. Not even drunk.

19:02 Red carpet over. Fingers so cold. But now in a room with Konnie Huq. Therefore, hecklerspray wins again!

18:39 Mickey Rourke blew past everyone. But not as fast as Shia LaBeouf. The tit.

18:35 Brangelina has arrived. People are weeping.

18:09 It’s raining so hard, people are now actually running down the red carpet. Sods.

17:56 Definite Titmuss eye contact made. Eat it, 14 year olds!

17:44 Titmuss!

17:42 Dev Patel! At FULL SPRINT. Get in.

17:34 Lots of intermittent screaming. Its a bit like a terrible sort of ghost house, this.

17:22 This is easily the least glamorous thing in the entire universe.

17:16 Winkleman looks so cold. So very cold.

17:08 Blanked by Michael Sheen. Our life is complete.

16:55 All the women look like Sharon Osbourne so far. Make of that what you will.

16:45 And it’s started to rain. Genius.

16:40 Fearne Cotton is wearing some form of dead land animal as a costume. A foolish sartorial choice, one feels.

16:26 You’ll be thrilled to know that the red carpet is surprisingly springy. Also, Claudia Winkleman just said ‘fuck’.

16:22 Deeply cold.