20:02 Baftas in summary. Freezing cold. Soaking wet. Ignored by everyone. Slumdog Millionaire wins everything. Not even drunk.
19:02 Red carpet over. Fingers so cold. But now in a room with Konnie Huq. Therefore, hecklerspray wins again!
18:39 Mickey Rourke blew past everyone. But not as fast as Shia LaBeouf. The tit.
18:35 Brangelina has arrived. People are weeping.
18:09 It’s raining so hard, people are now actually running down the red carpet. Sods.
17:56 Definite Titmuss eye contact made. Eat it, 14 year olds!
17:44 Titmuss!
17:42 Dev Patel! At FULL SPRINT. Get in.
17:34 Lots of intermittent screaming. Its a bit like a terrible sort of ghost house, this.
17:22 This is easily the least glamorous thing in the entire universe.
17:16 Winkleman looks so cold. So very cold.
17:08 Blanked by Michael Sheen. Our life is complete.
16:55 All the women look like Sharon Osbourne so far. Make of that what you will.
16:45 And it’s started to rain. Genius.
16:40 Fearne Cotton is wearing some form of dead land animal as a costume. A foolish sartorial choice, one feels.
16:26 You’ll be thrilled to know that the red carpet is surprisingly springy. Also, Claudia Winkleman just said ‘fuck’.
16:22 Deeply cold.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
What did you think about the WaspWoman outfit?
Where was Michael Cera in all this!? Was he not even there? I’m gutted. I’ll have to cancel the wedding invitations now…
And Mickey WON! So did Kate! yessssssssssssssssssssssss
Hip flask, Mr. H. Hip flask. Preparation is 90% of the project.
Next year you should wear a big sign with the hecklerspray logo. Perhaps a sandwich board, even, which would also provide body protection in case anyone decides to go all “Bale” on you.