The thing about terrorists is this – sure, they’re more than happy to sit giggling in a small room with a flaming gay Austrian for hours on end, but if you put it in an international film, darn it all, they are gonna have to save face.

And when we say save face, we mean they’re gonna have to kill Sacha Baron Cohen. After all, in his Bruno movie he somehow made them all look homo friendly – and something like that could lead to a lot of teasing at the next militant Muslim extremist Christmas gala.

That Bruno movie is doing incredibly well at the box office. Why just this week alone it’s made over $100,000 – and that’s the kind of money that makes Hollywood sequel hungry. Lucky for them, then, the next Bruno film seems to be writing itself. The basic plot is that Sacha Baron Cohen gets his head gruesomely cut off on camera while masked weenies stand around in the background shouting about how Buddha is great. Or whatever. This is perfect for movie-goers that like it heavy on the drama.

Of course for a third film we’d have to either stitch together a story line from deleted scenes or hollow out Sacha’s head to use like a hand puppet. We could maybe let the Jim Henson people do it or something. Imagine if the head tried to join a convent? Classic Baron Cohen!

Now that we’ve got such a sturdy back up plan, maybe it’s not such a bad thing that according to ABC News:

“A Palestinian group that the U.S. State Department has on its terrorist list reportedly has the comedian in its sights after he featured the organization in his current film Bruno in which he plays an openly gay Austrian television host. “We reserve the right to respond in the way we find suitable against this man (Cohen),” the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades said in a statement released to WorldNetDaily.com, an independent news Web site.”

Now those terrorists just need to calm down – they could learn a lesson or two from Paula Abdul – she hasn’t threatened to kill anybody since she got taken. Cohen doesn’t seem worried about his would-be assassins though. When asked for a response, he said simply:

“Well I hope the terrorists being embarrassingly shown is such a poor light will inspire them to tame their nuclear ambitions, and to worship the Almighty in a less violent, yet still respectful manner.”

Noble. If it’s true that is Noble, Cohen.

The terrorist group – well their name is Al Aqsa, and they claim to have broken up slowly over the past two years. Exact reasons have never been given, but inner-circle mumblings seem to indicate a member or two wanting solo careers. How exactly they ended up on camera is unclear, but what’s important is they all seem to have equally good acting chops. Let’s clean them up, teach them how to read scripts and get them married off to Jennifer Aniston.

We hear repeatedly that she’s on the market.

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