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Never let it be said that us ‘spray folk aren’t givers. We want you, our lovely little ‘spraylets, to be the most savvy, clued-up and well-primed entertainment junkies in, like, the whole bitchin’ world.

We want you to be ahead of the game; and we want you to be able to spit out gleaming nuggets of celebrity gossip that no-one else at the water cooler could even dream of getting their mitts on. And, if that gossip happens to be about somebody one national newspaper calls a “potty transvestite,” well, so much the better.

Thing is, here at hecklerspray we kinda like Pete Burns off of Dead Or Alive and Celebrity Big Brother. Even his enormous lips. It seems to us that he’s got more charisma in his well-manicured, black-lacquered little finger than most of today’s so-called pop ‘stars’ have in their entire Saint Tropez-covered, Sylvia Young-choreographed bodies. So, without further gushing, here’s the low-down on the man who wears an actual gorilla as a coat.

1 - Dead Or Alive’s stone cold classic single You Spin Me Round (Like A
Record) took fifty-six weeks to reach the number one spot. Good Heavens
(What A Long Time)! Still, it makes a nice change from today’s typical
chart run: Westlife Single Enters At The Top (But Falls To Number Six A
Week Later).

2 - Pete Burns fell out with Morrissey over his penchant for fur coats.
Apparently the former Smiths frontman sent old Ma Burns a postcard
saying, “Wear that fur and your windows are in, deffo!" Who’d have
thought Mozza and Jodie Marsh would have something in common? And what
on earth is “deffo!”?

3 - In 2004 Pete Burns hooked up with the Pet Shop Boys to record a one-off
single called Jack and Jill Party.

4 - According to the Pets’ Neil Tennant
“Jack and Jill Party” is variously slang for a “gay and lesbian
gathering”, a  “mutual jack off party” and a “relationship with a man
and a woman at the same time.” Hmm, we wonder how many of these Pete has
experienced personally?

5 - Dead Or Alive are hyowge in Japan. No, really! Back in the early
nineties, when he sold records that weren’t Another Bloody Greatest
Hits Collection, Michael Jackson had to reschedule Japanese tour dates
to avoid a clash with the mighty DOA.

6 - Eighties Popstar Bitch Fight Alert! Pete Burns once attacked one of
Siouxsie’s banshees with a Vivienne Westwood stiletto (what else?)
after said Banshee poured a G&T over his head.

7 – Does Pete prefer Chanel or Max Factor? “Knives and needles. I don’t use make-up anymore. I use knives.”

8 - Pete was married for over twenty years, but he and childhood sweetheart Lynne split up recently.
Yes, he really was married. 

9 – In 2001 weekly gossip email Popbitch falsely reported that our Pete had
been sectioned under the Mental Health Act. He responded by publishing
the mobile numbers of the nameless, elusive Popbitch staff on the Dead
Or Alive website and linking this information to seventy-three other
celebrity websites. Ouch!

10 - Dead Or Alive’s bollock-bustingly brilliant mid-nineties single
Nukleopatra is about what your mother used to call a “rather peculiar
young man”. Actually, you might just know him. Hmm, how to describe
this guy? Well, he’s got a “he-man body with an angel’s face”. Yeah,
you know the one we mean! “Long black hair and a ten-inch waist” too.
Oh yes, and he’s the “king of the she-male race” to boot.

Do let the
‘spray know if you’ve seen him around, as we’ve kinda lost touch
recently. And he’s still got our slightly yellowed, XXL ‘Frankie Says
Relax’ T-shirt…

There are literally 24 Pete Burns items on eBay. Go take a look

[story by Nick Levine]