Ten Things We’ve Learnt From Star Wars
Then buzz it up
May 25th, 2005 at 14:30 by 586 MEDIA
As Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (DVDs) continues to break box office records and make so much money that it makes you cry just thinking you’ll never see a penny of it, we thought that now was a better time than any to list the top ten things we’ve learnt from the 1977 original.
Why are we doing this, you may ask? Well, frankly, we don’t know. We just thought you might find it clever and amusing. We certainly did. We’re clever sods, we are…
Star Wars
1. It is good to listen to the voices in your head. But don’t tell anyone this. No, really, don’t.
2. Avoid falling in love with women who were also adopted like you.
3. Old hermits are not the most reliable of people. They lie to you, leave you on your own with perfect strangers on a gigantic space station, and then they go and let themselves be killed, leaving you to sort out the entire universe by yourself. Omit from Christmas card list.
4. Familiarise yourself with Saturday morning matinees before deciding you want a life of adventure. The people in those serials never seem to be out of trouble. Are you quite sure this is the life for you? Seriously?
5. Farmboys apparently are more powerful than they first appear. Be careful when you mock them with your West Country accent.
6. Likewise, it is advisable to avoid laughing at someone who wears a bucket on their head.
7. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. But no Wookiees. They burn quite easily, you see.
8. Before you use the Force, try using laxatives first.
9. It can be completely possible to convince yourself that you were the one to shoot first, and then learn that re-mastered evidence would suggest otherwise.
10. There are still five more films to go! Yay!
Next week: Ten things we’ve learnt from Superman! The film, that is. Not things that the Man of Steel taught us himself when he came round for a nice cup of tea. We don’t know him that well.
