Ten Things We’ve Learnt From… The Terminator

Da. Da. Da. Da. Da. There you go, a poor attempt to spell out the theme tune of that great sci-fi classic, The Terminator, in words.

Doesn’t have quite the same impact, does it? Unless you’re deaf, in which case it makes no difference.
Anyway, ever wondered what life lessons can be learnt from James Cameron’s The Terminator (DVDs)? No? Well, just in case someone does, read on…

1. If you see a muscle-bound Austrian man wandering around in the nip,
assume he knows what he’s doing and just run. Do not try and engage him
in conversation.

2. Telling people you’re from the future is just a stupid, stupid, stupid idea. Perfect an alibi first.

3. When it gets to the part when the tanker blows up, do not assume
that last fifteen pages of script are there to wipe away the streams of
sweat.

4. Even if you are the mother of Mankind’s future leader, it doesn’t mean you can get away with a unisex mullet.

5. It helps to be ex-directory.

6. Whenever someone ever mentions the words "machines", "intelligence"
and "revolution" in the same sentence, you can be sure that that
subsequent noise is the sound of thousands of people slapping their
heads in unison.

7. No matter how precarious the situation, how little time you have to escape, there’s still always time to ‘bump uglies’.

8. However, this is still no excuse for the composer to perform an
awful, plinky-plonky piano rendition of the score as a love theme.

9. This film is more or less responsible for influencing the style all
the cheap knock-offs that have since followed, including a (bizarrely)
adored sequel, with more to come. One should time-travel back to 1984
and destroy James Cameron.

10. At the end of the day, time-travel is best left to mad scientists
with crappy 80’s DeLoreans. It should NOT be left in the hands of Homer
Simpson.

Seriously, what is the deal with the second film? It’s exactly the same
as the first one, only twice as long and with none of the soul. So what
if it has ground-breaking CGI effects and the vastly-undervalued talent
that is Robert Patrick? Trying… to… supress… rage… And don’t
even get us started on Titanic…

[story by James Hickey]