If you pitched this story as a movie even David Lynch would tell you to get out of his office. “That’s just weird!” he’d scream as his creepy circus dwarf showed you the door.

This headline won’t let you down though. It’s actually true. No, really, it is.

Deep in America’s Morrisville heartland deranged teenager Nickolas Buckalew has been arrested for the crime of ‘removing a human head from a corpse’.

So far, so comedy America. That the police suspect this head was going to be used for “a bong or a pipe for smoking marijuana” just ups the mirth content a tad more.

Tomb Raider 3 anyone? ‘Quest for a Human Head to Put Your Weed in’ What? Jolie’s in talks already.

Local police were drawn to Morrisville cemetery after a resident (presumably a living one) heard strange noises coming from on the street. One can only guess what those noises might have been. Young Mr. Buckalew playing soccer with his new best friend maybe? No, that’d be just silly. Basketball would make such more sense.

"Within minutes we found the duffel bag with the remains in it and tools that were used to enter the tomb and the casket," said Chief Keith (snigger) of the local Police Department.

Though to be sure Morrisville’s finest got a funeral inspector down to the scene for, well, a butcher’s. Thus it was confirmed, this severed head had definitely been removed from the headless corpse resting just a stone’s throw away in a dug up grave.

Ever get the feeling that these coppers look a bit like those hick ones out of Live and Let Die?

The police then got straight onto the corpse’s widow to tell her all about it. We’d just love to know how that particular meeting got started. Probably not with ‘can you take my hat?’ that’s for sure.

"The widow was in shock. She did not want any information. She did not want to know any details." She didn’t offer you coffee and doughnuts then, Chief?

Amazingly, Nickolas Buckalew denies the head chopping incident and wanting to smoke marijuana from inside a human head. Those crazy kids, eh? He probably got the idea from a movie. The famous ‘skull bong’ scene in Finding Nemo perhaps?

Check the special edition dvd, it’s there.

Find out just how mad we are with a trip to Amazon.

[story by Chris Laverty]