The Grammys, then. Beyonce won the most awards, and Michael Jackson got Celine Dion to caterwaul in front of a 3D dandelion.

But the Grammys belonged to Taylor Swift. In total Taylor won awards for Album Of The Year, Best Country Album, Best Country Female and Best Country Song, and Kanye West wasn’t around to babble like a giant twit through any of her acceptance speeches. The Grammys were Taylor Swift’s moment to shine – at least, right up until the moment she started to sing, at which point they became Taylor Swift’s moment to make a bizarre noise like a burning donkey sanctuary.

And that’s apparently big news. So big, in fact, that her label manager has stepped up to tell everyone to jolly well stop being so mean about her. Fun.

The Grammys has many things to be proud of. It can be proud of the fact that it’s currently the music awards show that goes on for the longest amount of time – Sunday’s ceremony clocked in at an impressive three full days – and it can be proud of the fact that it’s the only awards show where everybody wins something, regardless of whether they want to or not.

But there’s one thing that the Grammys, in all good conscience, can’t be proud of. The duets. Every year it’s the same – for some reason the Grammy organisers decide to pair up the most horrifically mismatched artists possible, usually involving Steven Tyler and Joss Stone, and force them to sing a song that neither of them are suited to. It’s awful. And this year the winners of the Most Cack-Handed Grammys Duet were Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks.

Unfortunately, copyright restrictions mean that we can’t show you the video of Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks singing Rihannon together, so here’s the next best thing. Imagine that Rihannon is playing on the radio. Now imagine that your nan, after sustaining a heavy blow to the side of her head, is attempting to sing along to it. Now imagine that she’s doing this even though she’s never heard Rihannon before in her life. Now imagine that she’s also being attacked by a pack of feral dogs. Now imagine that she’s also on fire. That’s roughly what Taylor Swift sounded like at the Grammys.

But just because her performance sounded like a set of nails grinding down a blackboard in an echo tunnel filled with distressed babies, it doesn’t mean that you can be rude about Taylor Swift. It doesn’t. The boss of her record label, Scott Borchetta, said so and everything.  The Tennessean quotes:

“Maybe she’s not the best technical singer, but she’s probably the best emotional singer. Everybody is not perfect on any given day. Maybe in that moment we didn’t have the best night. But in the same breath, maybe we did. This is what always happens. Well, you better have more than what you’ve got now if you think you’re going to get in the ring and fight with us. So, get in the ring.”

So, just to sum up Borchetta’s quote:

1 - Taylor Swift was brilliant.

2 - Taylor Swift was also rubbish.

3 - In addition, people who don’t like Taylor Swift might be allowed to physically fight her soon, even though that seems like quite an unethical thing to do.

Thanks Scott. Much clearer now. You’re a star.

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