No, you have not died and gone to a frozen hell, you read the title of this blog correctly: How Taylor Swift has handled herself in this now infamous ass-grabbing case has garnered her some genuine respect from me. I know, I know.
While I usually fucking hate Taylor Swift and think she gets a lady boner from playing up her constant victim narrative, I think she’s handling this bullshit with some really unapologetic lady balls (tits?).
In case you’re not familiar, back in 2013, a radio DJ named David Mueller had a meet and greet with Taylor Swift and she alleged that while they were posing for pictures he reached his hand up her skirt and grabbed her ass. She reported it, like you would, and Mueller got fired from the radio station he worked at. Mueller then proceeded to sue Swift for millions of dollars for causing him to lose his career plus defamation of character. Swift hilariously counter-sued for $1, not because she wants the guys money, but because she wants everyone know he’s a total douche.
Swift was cross-examined this past week and a judge ultimately threw out Mueller’s suit, which is great! However, what’s even better are some of the Taylor Swift zingers during her cross-examination with Mueller’s lawyer.
McFarland, Mueller’s lawyer, noted that Swift was actually closer to Mueller’s girlfriend in the photo, to switch Swift responded: “Yes, she did not have her hand on my ass.”
McFarland then stated he was critical of Swift’s bodyguard not intervening if an assault had occurred, to which Swift responded: “I’m critical of your client sticking his hand under my skirt and grabbing my ass.”
McFarland tried to point out that, in the picture, the front of Swift’s skirt showed no sign of disruptment, to which Swifty zinged: “Because my ass is located in the back of my body.”
When McFarland suggested maybe it had been someone else who had grabbed her ass Swift laid down this truth bomb: “He had a handful of my ass. I know it was him.”
And finally, when McFarland tried to play the guilt card and asked how Swift felt that Mueller had lost his whole career, T-Swizzle dropped the best answer ever: “I’m not going to let you or your client make me feel in any way that this is my fault. Here we are years later, and I’m being blamed for the unfortunate events of his life that are the product of his decisions, not mine.”
Kendrick Lamar level Damn.
I mean, I’m sure she’ll do something annoying af in like a week to make me eye roll myself into a coma, but right now I am feeling Taylor Swift as a human and we all know that’s a pretty big deal.