Poor Taylor Swift Attacked By Dangerous Harry Styles Fans

Taylor Swift

We’ve been quite unfair on Taylor Swift as a society. We see her ploughing through men willy nilly (often willy, less nilly) and think that she is a harlot. We see her scaring off the Kennedy family by appearing at their family wedding and upstaging everyone, and think that she is insane.

But now the tables have turned. She’s the one being targeted by insane people, and she’s the victim. If we’re going to insult her for her past crazy indiscretions, we need to now help her out that crazy people are gunning for her.

Harry Styles, the attractive moptopped songster, is Taylor’s latest prey. And that leaves her open to attack from a bunch of overexcited fangirls who believe falsely that they might stand a chance with Styles, even though they’re probably overweight and hidden behind both embarassment and the internet.

The Directioners (what is it with groups of fans calling themselves a group nowadays? You have Lady Gaga’s little monsters and a bunch of others? What happened to plain old simple “committed fans”?) have basically trolled Swift on the internet, putting out a bunch of poorly punctuated tweets that are vaguely threatening but really belie the fact that it’s a few teenagers being all annoyed that someone dare come between them and their wet dream.

Taylor Swift

Cries one:

I?ll murder Taylor Swift. She will not date my Harry.

Well firstly, murder is a serious crime, and you don’t have much of a motive. Secondly, possessing a human has been illegal since the abolition of slavery. So really Harry Styles is no-one’s.

Taylor Swift

Another makes the similar possession mistake, writing:

If u dating my harry, I kill u.

This one is more scary. They have the poor grammar and inability to write coherently that many serial killers possess. In fact, I’m going to call this now: this is a serious and legitimate threat. Whoever wrote this poorly penned missive should be hunted down and locked away. It’s the only natural thing to do.


  1. frank troy says

    I agree totally with this article in this case these are direct threats that I would take seriously. There is no call for this whatsover!!!

  2. Sharnie says

    This is disgusting, not the fact that people are sending death threats, but the fact that you people think it’s okay to say even though they