Where did all the hot guys go? You know the ones we mean; the slightly overweight, prematurely grey hot guys that can't manage to get through a rudimentary sentence without whooping like a Tourettes sufferer walking barefoot over Lego. Right girls?
Because, as far as People magazine is concerned, that above description is the definition of hot. At least, that's the only way of explaining why the magazine recently voted American Idol winner Taylor Hicks as the number one hottest bachelor in the country or the world or the universe or whatever.
Things just keep getting better and better for Taylor Hicks. A year ago he was just a yelping, grey-haired nobody who passed his days trying to shout like an old man and honking endlessly into his mouth organ. But now Taylor Hicks is something of a hot prospect. Taylor managed to win American Idol before he crossed the line between 'endearing eccentric' and 'annoying twat' – a prize which guarantees him one hugely successful single – Doobie Brothers or no Doobie Brothers – and a lukewarm album before he stops being that famous.
And, while he's still well-known, Taylor Hicks has been enjoying some of the peripheral perks of fame – like being voted top of the list of People magazine's hot bachelors. Taylor Hicks managed to beat off such
recently-dumped losers heartbreakers as Matthew McConaughey, Nick Lachey, Jake Gyllenhaal and Kenny Chesney to snatch the hot bachelor title. But the thing is, Taylor Hicks doesn't want to be a bachelor – he wants to settle down with a woman he saw for one second on an aeroplane once, as he tells People:
"There's been no time. Now, I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with the right woman… We waved and
did a double-take look. It seemed like something out of a movie."
Of course, a double-take can mean several things. For instance, Taylor Hicks probably did the double-take because he thought "Wow, you're the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with," and the mystery aeroplane woman probably did the double-take because she thought "Oh great, I have to spend this flight getting leered at by that shrieking grey-haired div."
[story by Stuart Heritage]