The Tate is among one of the first institutions to snap up works of art from the thousands of items being exhibited at the Frieze Art Fair, which opened its doors to the happy proles this morning.

The event, based in London’s Regent’s Park, attracts many established and prospective art collectors from far and wide, although – as ever – some of the ‘art’ on offer is the kind that may send the likes of Brian Sewell towards an early-ish grave.

A look at what the Tate has been spending its money on paints a picture (sorry, couldn’t resist).

For example, one installation (that’s what they call Big Art these days) owes more to science than it does to fine art. The science of standing around, looking bored, that is.

The piece in question, produced by David Lamelas, is called ‘Time’ and was snapped up for the bargain price of £20,000. What is it exactly? A bunch of people standing in a queue, asking each other the time, that’s what.

‘Time’ is said to "question the environment of the museum and static objects". We could have done that for half the price, easy. Not that queueing and timekeeping is something Dr Spray recommends, unless you are especially fond of increased blood pressure.

A Tate official explained the reasoning behind the purchase to the BBC: "Part of the appeal of the work is that it can be performed in any number of locations." Yes it can. Like in Clapham Junction, anytime before 10am, when you need a train ticket.

"Yesterday it was performed at the art fair." Presumably an impromptu ‘performance’ by people queueing to get in?

So remember this: the next time you suffer the horrors of queueing (big shout to those bastards at South West Trains… you know who you are), you can say you’re doing it in the name of art.

The Frieze Art Fair is displaying works from around 160 galleries from across the world. Up to 25,000 people are expected to attend the show. Book your ticket now, if you fancy it. There’s a Warhol self-portrait from 1964 on offer for a cool $2m. Let us know if you buy it.

So listen up: we like art, we really do. But when is art ‘art’ and when is art not art? Because the way things are going, the sandwich I’m about to eat… that’s art. Any takers?

What do you think? Leave your comments below. No queueing required.

Sidenote to Mr Saatchi and friends:
hecklerspray’s team of conceptual artists are available for commissions from art collectors. Contact us for further information.