Tarantino’s CSI Episode Secrets

If you’re a fan of CSI (DVDs) or any of its bastard offspring, CSI: Miami (DVDs), CSI: NY (DVDs), CSI: Clapham Junction (DVDs), etc, then this bit of information might just be of interest to you…

hecklerspray can unexclusively reveal the plot of director Quentin Tarantino’s (DVDs/CDs/books) forthcoming (19th May) CSI episode ‘Grave Danger’.

Excited? Wait till you read about it, you won’t be.

Nick Stokes gets kidnapped by someone who has a grudge against CSI. He gets a walloping and wakes up inside a coffin. Not much in there to keep him company but a loaded pistol, a tape recorder with a cheery message instructing him to kill himself because he’s going to die anyway, and a webcam so the whole sorry mess can be transmitted back to those hard working folks back at CSI headquarters.

And that’s it. Not exactly revolutionary, not likely to bring down the new Pope and not massively intriguing in our opinion.

Quentin’s already done the coffin thing in Kill Bill: Vol 2 (DVD/CD), which is presumably why he’s been asked to direct this particular CSI episode. He’s some kind of cadaver expert now. Providing your hero can kill people with one finger or have a loaded firearm within arm’s reach. That’s a prerequisite.

Memories of Quentin’s ER (DVDs) directed episode float round in the air like a week old curry fart. Sure it was good, but was it great?

Quentin “Knows everything there is to know about ‘CSI,’ and is into the whole mythology of CSI.” That statement bothers us a tad. Mythology? It’s a TV show; its only mythology is a fictitious story thread designed to make you tune in and buy Coca-Cola and Apple Macs every week.

Though who really cares about all this sour grapes and cynicism? We’re talking about it so they must be doing something right.

Buy the whole of CSI series 1 for £29. It’s better than The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (DVD) anyway.

[story by Chris Laverty]