Tara Palmer-Tomkinson is telling all the groovy teenagers not to have a career like Abi Titmuss (DVDs). They should all be doctors instead. Or horse riders.

Inspiring sentiments from posh fool Palmer-T. She may have been born on a giant bed of fifty-pound notes (probably), but you needn’t think that’s going to stop her telling you the way it is.

“When I was a teenager my burning ambition was to win the Grand National,” she told Closer magazine “nowadays young girls just aspire to be Abi Titmuss.”

Clearly all the youngsters fancy a bit of Abi tits-and-arse‘s money. Money that they’ll have to go out and earn with much nakedness and lewd sexual conduct. Better than signing on, though, we suppose.

"They seem to think that you buy yourself a pair of breast implants and hey presto!” she added. “Instant fame and fortune. How sad young girls don’t have higher aspirations than parties and finding footballer boyfriends.”

Too right kids, have some self-respect. Don’t go on telly as high as a kite and make an idiot of yourself. You could all be horse riding instead – rich, poor, or very poor, it makes no difference . If you can just track down a tenement block stables you’re laughing.

“I think we should encourage teens to be doctors or lawyers or something with integrity."

We fully back the dozy posh one’s arguments. The medical profession is more respected in this country than anywhere else in the world. Where else can drunk surgeons perform major operations without fear of reprisal? The system works we say.

And as for lawyers, that’s just like becoming Bob Geldolf only with more paperwork. Everyone will love you.

We disagree with Tara’s harsh comments on footballer boyfriends though. Surely a girl has every right to track down the very best in suave sophistication and superior intellect? That Wayne Rooney should have his sperm frozen.

[story by Chris Laverty]