Worrying reports are beginning to reach the hecklerspray news desk of spontaneous combustion among children.
Reports so far are sketchy but it is thought that the exact demographic affected is girls & boys between the ages of 11 & 17. Parents are being advised to keep their children away from the internet for the foreseeable future to limit the risk of catastrophic explosion.
Experts have warning that if the spread of these fiery paroxysms isn’t stemmed immediately, it could lead to a cataclysmic chain reaction that could- if predictions are accurate- wipe out all human life on the planet, leaving Earth in the paws of Dormice.
When we make lists, they’re usually pretty easy to do. You just take your own opinion of something, prioritise it and throw it in an article without giving the consequences much thought. As such, we still have people arguing the toss (pun intended) over our ‘Top’ Sci-Fi babes & newscasters.
Of course, some lists aren’t that easy to come up with and require rigorously observed criteria in order to make them acceptable for the delicate eyes of our readers.
Our quest was long and arduous but we got there in the end.
Should you be unlucky enough to live for the next 300 years, aside from the agony of reanimation, the clawing sense of disenfranchisement with our new ape leaders and, of course, the horrible realisation that you are a disappointment regardless of the time you live in, you might be on the end of a withering aside from Simon Cowell.
That’s right. The music molester has stated his desire to live forever and ever so he can belittle people long into our dark future.
Basically, he wants to have his body frozen after his death as “an insurance policy”, where in the distant future, he can hold a talent contest between cannibalistic apes to see which one can sing the best, while reintroducing the phrase ‘this means everything to me’ and getting some monkeys to cry about being orphaned by science, and that this Whitney Houston song got them through genetic experiments.
What could an acquitted paedophile and alleged Nazi fetishist like Michael Jackson and PopCap games, the producer of many bland and unoriginal flash-based casual games that people gain a Warcraft-like addiction to, possibly have in common?
Aside from the obvious evils on both fronts the answer is Plants vs. Zombies. Plants vs. Zombies is a tower defence style game in which the player assumes the role of a homeowner who uses plants to deter zombies from stealing his house/eating his brain/doing whatever the hell it is zombies actually do. Thrilling, I know.
Worrying reports are beginning to reach the hecklerspray news desk of spontaneous combustion among children. 
