50 Cent is an astonishing man. He’s the one who opened the door for ‘deaf rap’. No, not ‘def’. We mean ‘hard of hearing’ because, if you listen to his style, he sounds like he’s got a sock for a tongue. This paved the way for many, many tone deaf rappers.

If your skills and flow are severely limited, then the best thing to do is to court controversy.

And that is exactly what 50 Cent is doing as he’s saying he won’t release another album on Interscope and also threatening to leak Dr. Dre’s new single ‘Psycho’. And grow a proper tongue.

50 explained his plans for his Black Magic album, which he actually recorded but scrapped because he’s more interested in his new untitled cut…

“No, it has a whole new title. It’s a whole different energy. The Black Magic music, I have it, and I’ll probably use it in, maybe, a film project.”

That all sounds very professional and PR, but on twitter, he was running his mouth off.

“Man I’m not releasing a album. I can’t believe Interscope is this fucked up right now. I apologize to my fans”

“I will work with other artists on their projects but I will not put out another album. They dropped the ball with me one time too many.”

He then threatened that he would be “putting out” Dr. Dre’s next Detox single on Wednesday in retaliation against Interscope.

“You’re gonna love it, it’s a big song. I just don’t think it deserves a great setup since they can’t seem to get it right when it comes to me”

Meanwhile, the rest of the world awakes from its slumber wondering what in fuck’s name all the fuss is about while simultaneously completely ignoring new 50 track called ‘I’m On It’ which appeared online this week.

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Former G-Unit rapper Young Buck (pictured right) has pleaded not guilty on counts of gun possession in a Tennessee court. Unfortunately, 50 “Fifty” Cent’s former protegé was left standing outside the court house for a full five hours as no-one in the court had any idea who he was.

You might be sitting there saying “well, I believe him”. Perhaps you’re a Justin Bieber fan and are sitting saying “I belieb him”.

At the risk of being in contempt of court in another country, the $300,000 in unpaid taxes that Young Buck is apparently too idiotic to skip the country for, should suggest that he might be just too stupid or too callous to think that having an illegal, unregistered pistol in his house might be frowned upon by the law.

Unfortunately, the judges, lawyers and jury were far too tired of waiting for someone who they were assured was a rapper to turn up in court that they had all decided to ignore pretty much anything he said. It was a real pity as his constant cries of “Don’t you know who I am?!” fell on nothing more than deaf ears, stifled yawns and irritated groans.

Using our inside track to the stars, we gave Half Dollar a ring to see if he could shed any light on the identity of Young Buck and his nefarious, gun-toting, tax-avoiding antics.

Unfortunately, due to an ongoing ‘beef’ with our editor Mof Gimmers, he refused to answer any questions and instead threatened to indict us for breaking the restraining order.

Young Buck has released a press statement which was picked up by… well… no-one which said something about being cheated out of money by suits. Perhaps he used the word ‘Jew’, perhaps he didn’t. Let’s face it- the guy’s so patently irrelevant (even in a world full of irrelevant celebrities) that neither you nor us actually care if he’s anti-Semitic or not.

What have we learned then?

Basically, we’ve learned that none of us know who Young Buck is and unless he’s actually shot someone through the face with a .40 calibre bullet and then stuffed the hole full of the notes that he stole from the government, you don’t care who he is. He’s probably been on Cribs. The prick.

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The image of a popular hip hop star is generally of a ‘hard’ guy spittin’ lyrics, wearing gorgeous golden jewelry, carrying a gun in one hand and a stolen baby in the other.

A far cry from the one we’re about to tell you. Now we’ll be the first to admit we don’t keep up on the day to day soap opera that is rap music. Last we heard Young MC had an evil twin or something, Andre 3000 came back from the dead and Erica Kane was about to cut an album.

Also the fellow known as Young Buck got kicked out of 50 Cent‘s thingy called G-Unit. We’ve got a link to a wonderful place on the next page wherein an audio recording of a phone conversation Young Buck had with 50 begging for reentry into the group can be heard.

The guy even cries in it.

You gotta be careful on the telephone. Why just the other day we found a website that had over 50 of our call-in pizza orders for the public to hear. It wasn’t that exciting, really. It’s just us saying words like pepperoni, extra cheese and cat sliced extra thin. But the point is we had no idea those calls were to be kept forever.

Hulk Hogan is a recent victim of all this too. So is the guy that called him with a mouth-full of death threats. Paula Abdul & Alec Baldwin have both thrown themselves in front of the internet sensation train too. And now Young Buck has joined the club. After checking literally 20 different websites, we finally found a quote with fleshed out sentences and vowels in the appropriate places. For that, thank you sandra Rose.com:

“After slinging mud at G-Unot and 50 Cent, Young Buck tears up in a phone call to Fiddy and begs Fiddy to take him back into the fold cause he’s, well, broke. On the other hand, this call exposes the fraudulent lifestyles most of these rappers live. All that perpetrating like they’re millionaires when in reality, they’re broke and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.”

Take a a listen for yourself right here.

It really is a call – and Buck actually does start to cry in it. To spare his feelings, let us just say it’s ok for men to cry now and again. Why, we remember seeing our father cry lots of times – and in the fetal position too. It happens every year on our mother’s birthday. We’re not sure why exactly, but the clues we’ve put together over the years involve leather underwear and a high-dive. That really is all we know.

Dad listen, if you ever need to talk…