Fans of the shatteringly unconvincing actor David Duchovny were yesterday reportedly distraught at the news that he has once again split from the “out of his league” actress Tea Leoni.
Details are unclear as of time of publication, but rumours of his long-reported ‘sex addiction’ are rearing their intriguing head again… which would be potentially interesting, were it not for the fact that David ‘Boring’ Duchovny – who, it is rumoured, could talk a glass eye to sleep – classes ‘sex addiction’ as ‘spaffing-off at mucky ladies on the internet’.
Duchovny, as well as being point-blank unable to act, is also unable to destroy his marriage for any interesting reason whatsoever. ‘Sex addiction’ sounds like the best addiction ever – we’ve been told that ‘sex’ is bloody brilliant and, given the chance, we’d lap it up as well. But no, his ‘sex addiction’ is limited to “addiction to pornography, probably on the Internet. It’s the sex equivalent of a gambling addiction” according to Fox News FOUR YEARS AGO.
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Like a list of the 10 greatest rock songs of all time or the 10 best kebab shops in Islington, a list of the 10 best X-Files monsters is a subjective thing based on taste and memories and how much change happens to be in your pocket.
So while we must tip the hat to YesButNoButYes and their 10 Greatest X-Files Monsters, we must respectfully disagree with several of their choices and justifications and offer a different opinion.
That’s X-phile talk for ‘they’re wrong, we’re right, nya nya.’
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Creator of The X-Files TV series Chris Carter has told anyone who’ll listen that this new movie adaptation will not be about aliens, the government, Tunguska, or in any way mention The Lone Gunmen.
What Chris is trying to say is that The X-Files: I Want To Believe, will not be the load of old tripe we’re expecting; this despite the reoccurring cast of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson apparently being past their pin-up days and Billy Connelly appearing on screen for more than five seconds.
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The first X-Files movie left all kinds of questions unanswered – questions like 'what's going on?' 'when can I go home?' and 'is this what my life has really come to?'.
So it was always inevitable that an X-Files sequel would be on the cards. And it just so happens that one's coming out in a few months. But nobody has the foggiest clue about what it'll actually be about.
But that's where X-Files sequel director Chris Carter and screenwriter Frank Spotnitz come in. They've decided to spill the beans about the X-Files sequel without actually mentioning anything that's going to happen in it at all. Still interested? Yes? Well that's fairly depressing.
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Not since the invention of wi-fi, HD, Blu-Ray or some equally stupid-sounding technology have the nerds of the world been so excited.
You see, it was recently announced that cult 90s sci-fi show The X Files would be making a comeback. Unlike the comebacks of Crowded House and East 17, many people actually pricked up their ears at this news. While some cinema-goers might just want to spend 90 minutes perving over Gillian Anderson, a lot of people may be going to find out the answer to long-forgotten questions like a) How much does the Smoking Man spend on ciggies everyday, and b) Will Mulder accidentally find out that his long-lost sister is actually living next door to him?
We’re not too sure about any of that, but we know of three people who could help unravel the mysteries. Billy Connolly, Amanda Peet and Xzibit.
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