Posts tagged as:

X Factor

Gary Barlow Ejects A Mental Michael Jackson Fan From The X-Factor Auditions

by Matthew Laidlow

Following on from the saga that was American X-Factor and the Cheryl Cole fiasco, some UK residents might have forgotten that the UK’s inferior version is currently auditioning singers. Up and down the country, thousands of club, pub and karaoke performers will attempt to convince that girl out of N-Dubz, the one that stood in [...]

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JLS: The Club Is Alive With The Sound Of Auto Tune

by Kris Silver

JLS fans haven’t been very kind to us of late. Apparently they don’t like the fact that we inferred that their favourite band mimed some bad words and threw one of those showbiz hissy fit things at T4 On The Beach, which they TOTALLY did. Naturally being the reasonable and thoughtful people we are, we [...]

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Cher Lloyd Hates People With Opinions. Except Example.

by Joanna Bolouri

Last week our editor Mof made us all listen to Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger‘ causing a mixture of great sadness, violent outbursts and uncontrollable bleeding throughout the hecklerspray bedsit.  Not a pretty sight. So you can imagine our horror when we found out that another video has surfaced where she’s still attempting to convince us all she’s [...]

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JLS Get All Upset At T4 On The Beach And Mime Swear Words At Everyone

by Matthew Laidlow

It’s been a weekend full of festivals with nearly every performer you can think of out to plug any old tat they’ve got coming out soon. Up in Scotland, a mix of indie, rock and electronica could be found, although annoyances like Bruno Mars still managed to evade security and get on stage at T [...]

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Decoded: Cher Lloyd’s ‘Swagger Jagger’ Forces Pop Down Your Ear

by Mof Gimmers

Cher Lloyd can’t do a thing right. We suspect it isn’t actually anything to do with her, rather, the machinery that surrounds her. Every single move made by the financiers seems to be one clanging mistake after another. And so, painted into a corner with a neon sign flashing over her head saying ‘Unlikeable’, Cher [...]

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Cheryl Cole Wants Kids, Ashley Cole Wants To Get In The Glossies Again: Win, Win Right?

by Michael Park

Many of the UK’s “press outlets” have been reporting the reunion of Cheryl “Beat up a woman in a toilet” Cole and Ashley “shot a work experience kid with an air gun” Cole today. This is, to the tabloids, a moment on par with the a renunion of Big Ears from Noddy & the ‘Queen of [...]

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You Could Be Arrested For Taking Cheryl Cole’s Photograph Thanks To Superinjunction

by Mof Gimmers

We haven’t seen much of Cheryl Cole since America decided that it really, really hated her voice. As such, Cole almost vanished from the planet, if you don’t count the endless speculative articles that surrounded her for months. And we could well be seeing a lot less of her as she’s been granted an superinjunction [...]

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Louis Walsh Cleared Of Indecent Assault As ‘Victim’ Decided He Quite Liked It Or Something. We Weren’t Really Listening.

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh was recently accused of indecent assault in a nightclub toilets in Dublin. That’s great isn’t it? All indecent assaults seem to take place in toilets. It must be something to do with the wonderful bouquet given off by urinal cakes. Anyway, some fella has said that Walsh went for his groin and it [...]

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Surprising First ‘Louis Walsh Groped Some Fella’ Story

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh, of X Factor and impresario behind Westlife and Boyzone, is a man much mocked. Firstly, he’s mocked for his terrible taste in music. Secondly, he’s quite clearly in the middle of very long nervous breakdown. Thirdly, everyone likes to point at him and say ‘gay’. Now, with a combination of the stresses of [...]

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Louis Walsh Conveniently Forgets That No-One Cares About Why He Hates Boyzone

by Michael Park

Preening, chemically enhanced music “supremo” Louis Walsh has spoken out about his decision to step down as Boyzone’s manager, something that we didn’t even know had happened. Walsh, the man responsible for making the skin of young boys everywhere crawl to the point where it attempts to tear itself from the body of its host and [...]

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