Posts tagged as:

X Factor

Incredibly Long Unnecessary Review Of X Factor 2011, Episode 1

by Sophie Hall

It has been 8 months now, since we all obligingly sat down with a couple of friends, some choice lunch meats, and self loathing, and watched Matt Cardle furiously leaking into his corduroy jeans. Oh, and won X Factor 2010. Some would say the healing process after viewing this will need a considerably longer time [...]

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People Continue To Employ Cheryl Cole For Inexplicable Reasons (Glee and ‘A Film With Cameron Diaz In It’ Beckon)

by Sophie Hall

You may remember a few months ago (and if you don’t remember, you’re a liar, because we ALL remember. We just don’t talk about it anymore) someone, somewhere on the horizon of logic sacked Cheryl Cole upon realising she is an entirely pointless human woman. Yeah, you remember. It was brilliant. After years being mollycoddled [...]

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Oh God. One Direction Are Going To Be Odiously Gigantic (Or, Here’s Their New Single)

by Mof Gimmers

Last year’s X Factor managed to turn the women of Great Britain into salivating perverts as they all lined themselves up to heap amorous praise on five incredibly young men, now called One Direction. They knew what they were saying was all kinds of wrong, but they flicked their beans all the same. And since [...]

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Kelly Rowland Is The Latest Nipple Slipper [Video]

by Mof Gimmers

Nicki Minaj got everyone outraged when her left nipple leapt up and freed itself from the shackles of her clothing on Good Morning America. And now, former Destiny Child Kelly Rowland has joined the nipple slip club. That’s right. Her boobs have popped out. During a routine at a concert in West Orange, New Jersey, [...]

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Cher Lloyd Admires Tulisa’s Balls

by Kris Silver

Cher Lloyd, you remember her don’t you? She’s that one what didn’t win the X Factor and is still famous for some reason despite not having actually done anything to earn it. Well, she’s back in the news this week after accusing new X Factor judge Tulisa off of the N-Dubz of secretly being a [...]

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Cher Lloyd Ignores Her Stylists Because They, Like Everyone Else, Are Haters

by Michael Park

It is a fact, passed down through from hecklerspray writer to hecklerspray writer that if ever someone utters the words “haters gonna hate” or any other variation on that theme that they have automatically marked themselves out as a hateful figure. Therefore it is easy to imagine the vehement feelings of anger that course through [...]

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What’s All This About Simon Cowell And His Amazing Anti-Ageing Potion?

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell isn’t looking as old as he used to. Sure, he’s looking weirder than he used to, but that’s clearly down to American dentistry, leaving him looking like a boiled potato with some dentures jammed in. While you may think the music mogul/overlord has been under the surgeon’s knife, well, you may well be [...]

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Nicole Scherzinger Doesn’t Like Lewis Hamilton Enough To Warrant Marriage

by Mof Gimmers

Nicole Scherzinger not only has a surname that’s really annoying to type out because it’s both long and tricky, but she’s also determined to break poor little Lewis Hamilton’s 8 year old motor racing heart. Why? She’s refusing to marry him. Refusing point blank and in public. What a nasty, nasty piece of work the [...]

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Suicidal Louis Walsh Blabs About Cheryl Cole’s Love Life Like An Idiot

by Mof Gimmers

Louis Walsh. He’s been on the brink of a nervous breakdown since the last series of The X Factor when he got spectacularly angry about the existence of the film, Gummo. We’ve assumed that he’s been going under thanks to working with Jedward. That or some suffocating closeting he’s imposed on himself surrounding rumours of [...]

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Look! X Factor USA Is Imminent! Simon Cowell’s Nightmare In Video Proves It!

by Mof Gimmers

Hark at this! The brand spanking new X Factor USA has finally started advertising itself and, despite shameless product placement, they’ve only gone and made an adspot that isn’t wholly awful. In fact, it’s almost charmingly witty. Although, Paula Abdul’s face takes the prize as funniest thing on the video. Anyway, here it is. Watch [...]

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