Posts tagged as:

X Factor

The X Factor Week 10 Review: A Million Rocks Songs Later And Here I Am

by Sophie Hall

So, what IS rock music? Well guys, “rock” was a musical movement invented by Simon Cowell in the mid-2000s. A genre that was ostensibly about dancing but was in fact a thinly-veiled allusion to sex culminating from 50s blues riffs and a 4/4 beat utilizing a verse chorus form. To further delve into this cultural [...]

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Lewis Hamilton To Become Even More Morose & Irritating After Splitting With Nicole Scherzinger

by Michael Park

Every six months, like clockwork, an event happens that assures us of the revolution of the earth and the cosmic alignment of the stars bringing summer and winter ever closer. We are referring- of course- to the biannual split of F1 moaner Lewis Hamilton and surprisingly talented ex-Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger. Yes, as sure as [...]

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X-Factor’s Matt Cardle In Human Atrocity Hilarity!

by Paul Pencott

Odious slit-eyed dolt Matt Cardle has decided to further distance himself from the leagues of likeability this week by joining the ranks of Charlie Sheen, Lee Ryan, David Shayler et al by making dubious comments regarding the circumstances surrounding 9/11. Whilst dodging his destined career as a Wetherspoons deputy-manager, the unflattering-hat enthusiast has stated that: [...]

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X Factor’s Craig Colton Is Sooooo Gay

by Robin Darke

It’s been a rather eventful for homosexuals this week. It’s been like a bad episode of Big Brother with people coming in and going out. Or like Frankie Cocozzo’s pee-pipe when he visits the GUM clinic. He’s probably had more pricks in there than George Michael has had hot cocks. Zachary Quinto, the World’s hairiest [...]

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Canon Probably Want To Open Fire On All One Direction Fans

by Kris Silver

One Direction fans really are something to behold, they can almost out crazy the cult of Beliebers in terms of random Twitter outbursts about anything and everything their icons do. OMG! HARRY IS PICKING HIS NOSE! I TOTES LOVE HIM! That’s the sort of thing you can usually expect from them. But now they’ve hit [...]

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X Factor Week 9 Review: You Can’t Hurry Love-Themed 2 Hour X Factor Programmes

by Sophie Hall

Hey guys. The X Factor’s still on. But that’s totally cool because the 100 Year War ran over a couple of decades too, and that was just as important, so not to worry. Those House of the Plantagenet dudes probably had issues connecting their own personal stresses in life to Lighthouse Family lyrics too. Oh, [...]

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Cher Lloyd Makes Instantly Forgettable But Inevitable No.1 Called ‘With Ur Love’

by Mof Gimmers

After ‘Swagger Jagger’ saw release, everyone with ears hooted in derision. Cher Lloyd was the latest in a long line of pop stars showcasing the fact that, we as a species, have finally run dry of melodies. However, against all the odds, flying in the face of decency, the track went to number one, making [...]

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Dappy Arrested After His Girlfriend Gets Black Eye (Tales Of The No Frills Chris Brown)

by Robin Darke

Can you remember last year when Chris Brown bit and punched Rihanna so much that she needed to go into hospital? Punched and bit her so hard that she needed to go into hospital. Punched and bit her. The superstar called Rihanna. That she needed to go to hospital. Well, she got on with her [...]

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X Factor Week 8 Review: American Weird Stuff in London

by Sophie Hall

Before we begin, we just want to say one thing. We’re sorry.  No, listen. WE’RE sorry. Remember how you watched The X Factor for 2 and a half hours on Saturday? Well we’re going to tell you about that in quite an unnecessary amount of detail now. And what’s more, you’re going to like it. [...]

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X Factor Week 7 Review, Part 2, 120 Days of Sodom

by Sophie Hall

Right, you lot – no messing about. We know that we all like to have a bit of ‘fun’ every now and then on here, and have a bit of a harmless chuckle at the expense of these poor hard-working musicians, but Sunday’s episode of the X Factor was the most emotionally draining and traumatic [...]

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