Articles tagged with: X Factor
Simon Cowell Combines X Factor & Britain’s Got Talent In One Gigantic Evil Move
Hey kids! Do you like being spoon fed popular culture that you’ll eventually get sick of when the next talented young thing comes along? You do? Well that’s that bloody fantastic. You might have heard of Simon Cowell. He’s a man who wants to destroy the way we consume music and make us all buy the same drivel every year. So far, Simon and his team of chuckling sidekicks known as Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole, Danni Minogue and former monkey Sharon Osbourne have introduced us to annoying twerps such as The Cheeky Girls, Chico, Leona Lewis, Leon Jackson, Michelle McManus and Alexandra Burke. Honestly, each time we hear their songs, we jizz in excitement. We’ll have to reload our ballsacks a bit quicker - Simon is combining both of his primetime shows!
Hey kids! Do you like being spoon fed popular culture that you’ll eventually get sick of when the next talented young thing comes along? You do? Well that’s that bloody fantastic. You might have heard of Simon Cowell. He’s a man who wants to destroy the way we consume music and make us all buy the same drivel every year. So far, Simon and his team of chuckling sidekicks known as Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole, Danni Minogue and former monkey Sharon Osbourne have introduced us to annoying twerps such as The Cheeky Girls, Chico, Leona Lewis, Leon Jackson, Michelle McManus and Alexandra Burke. Honestly, each time we hear their songs, we jizz in excitement. We’ll have to reload our ballsacks a bit quicker - Simon is combining both of his primetime shows!
WEBTHUMP! Tuesday 21 April 2009
10 - This is outstanding - the Diff'rent Strokes opening titles overdubbed with creepy music. Genuinely chilling - YouTube 9 - Put anything in slow motion and we're definitely get the horn. FACT - Vimeo 8 - Will Ferrell drinks his own urine. That's roughly all you need to know - Yahoo 7 - Spam headlines. 100 of them. Funny - Cracked
George Sampson v Eoghan Quigg: Worst Feud Ever
Since the dawn of time, there have always been rifts between different groups of people. Do-gooders like Bono want us to simply get along, but no-one will listen. Over the year’s battles between the east and west coast, cowboys & Indians and The Pope v The Gays have grabbed media attention and divided people’s opinions. One argument we never expected to see was between the spewed-up creatures of Simon Cowell’s pet projects Britain’s Got Talent and X Factor. We thought that all the creations of the show lived in peace and harmony where they constantly lick each other's bumholes and applauded each other. Guess something went wrong as the gloves are off between Sampson and Quigg.
Since the dawn of time, there have always been rifts between different groups of people. Do-gooders like Bono want us to simply get along, but no-one will listen. Over the year’s battles between the east and west coast, cowboys & Indians and The Pope v The Gays have grabbed media attention and divided people’s opinions. One argument we never expected to see was between the spewed-up creatures of Simon Cowell’s pet projects Britain’s Got Talent and X Factor. We thought that all the creations of the show lived in peace and harmony where they constantly lick each other's bumholes and applauded each other. Guess something went wrong as the gloves are off between Sampson and Quigg.
Leon Jackson Dropped For Being Utterly Gash
Leon Jackson, we all know him as the crying little Scottish boy who appeared on X Factor in 2007. When it got down to the grand final between himself and freaky silver-haired Rhydian Roberts it was genuinely assumed that Rhydian would win. Probably because he was a better singer and didn’t weep as much. Somehow, Leon clinched victory and won a lucrative record contract. Rhydian lost, but still managed to get an album deal. Now it appears that Rhydian Roberts has had the last laugh as his rival has been dropped by Sony. We’re trying not to cry either.
Leon Jackson, we all know him as the crying little Scottish boy who appeared on X Factor in 2007. When it got down to the grand final between himself and freaky silver-haired Rhydian Roberts it was genuinely assumed that Rhydian would win. Probably because he was a better singer and didn’t weep as much. Somehow, Leon clinched victory and won a lucrative record contract. Rhydian lost, but still managed to get an album deal. Now it appears that Rhydian Roberts has had the last laugh as his rival has been dropped by Sony. We’re trying not to cry either.
X Factor: Annoying Eoghan Set To Release Album Horribly Soon
X Factor 2008 was the best so far for over the top and emotional stories. From the traditional “I’m doing this for my dead zebra Fifi” stories to “If I don’t win, the Mafia will kill my family”, they were all there. However, nothing was more physically annoying than Irish leprechaun Eoghan Quigg. As some of you may remember, Eoghan Quigg didn’t actually win Karaoke Factor in 2008. Sadly, he came third in the competition and lost out to boy band JLS and the eventual winner Leona Lewis #2. But that's not stopping him from getting his album out first.
X Factor 2008 was the best so far for over the top and emotional stories. From the traditional “I’m doing this for my dead zebra Fifi” stories to “If I don’t win, the Mafia will kill my family”, they were all there. However, nothing was more physically annoying than Irish leprechaun Eoghan Quigg. As some of you may remember, Eoghan Quigg didn’t actually win Karaoke Factor in 2008. Sadly, he came third in the competition and lost out to boy band JLS and the eventual winner Leona Lewis #2. But that's not stopping him from getting his album out first.
Sharon Osborne Still Harping On About The Past
If you ever meet our fisherman friend Mike The Pike, it’ll take him about two minutes to mention his greatest achievement. Spreading his arms wide he’ll say he caught Untanga, the beast of the local lake. Sadly though, it was the one that got away and he only caught an abandoned shopping trolley. Sharon Osborne has something in common with our friend. Ever since she left X Factor, everyone has lost interest in her. But don’t worry, Sharon is trying to reignite a war with another one of the programme's boring additions – Dannii Minogue. We can’t confirm or deny if Sharon reeks of fish like Mike The Pike”. Only Ozzy knows that.
If you ever meet our fisherman friend Mike The Pike, it’ll take him about two minutes to mention his greatest achievement. Spreading his arms wide he’ll say he caught Untanga, the beast of the local lake. Sadly though, it was the one that got away and he only caught an abandoned shopping trolley. Sharon Osborne has something in common with our friend. Ever since she left X Factor, everyone has lost interest in her. But don’t worry, Sharon is trying to reignite a war with another one of the programme's boring additions – Dannii Minogue. We can’t confirm or deny if Sharon reeks of fish like Mike The Pike”. Only Ozzy knows that.
Is Cheryl Cole Getting An Impractically Tiny Clothing Line?
Forget singing and dancing and marrying idiots, winning X Factor with Alexandra Burke might be Cheryl Cole's greatest achievement. Because, for teaching herself the Pavlovian response of bursting into tears every that Alexandra opened her poxy mouth, Cheryl Cole is now a proper celebrity. So much so that she might release her own clothing line. Topshop reportedly wants to give Cheryl a Kate Moss-style clothing collection, so soon everybody can look exactly like Cheryl Cole. Well, almost - they'd have to become tiny malnourished midget transvestites in too much make-up if they wanted to look exactly like her. Rules is rules.
Forget singing and dancing and marrying idiots, winning X Factor with Alexandra Burke might be Cheryl Cole's greatest achievement. Because, for teaching herself the Pavlovian response of bursting into tears every that Alexandra opened her poxy mouth, Cheryl Cole is now a proper celebrity. So much so that she might release her own clothing line. Topshop reportedly wants to give Cheryl a Kate Moss-style clothing collection, so soon everybody can look exactly like Cheryl Cole. Well, almost - they'd have to become tiny malnourished midget transvestites in too much make-up if they wanted to look exactly like her. Rules is rules.
It’s The X Factor Final Countdown! Alexandra Burke
“Howay man pet, vote for my Alex she’s got a geet canny voice and she should definitely win. If you vote for her, I’ll buy you a stottie”. The words of Alexandra Burke's X Factor mentor Cheryl Cole, there. Even if you don’t like Alexandra, at least vote for her anyway as it’ll make Cheryl win and hopefully force Dannii Minogue off the show in some sort of girly rage. Tomorrow is the grand finale of X Factor 2008. Who knows what we’ll get in 2009. Maybe robots will be allowed to enter the competition. Until that happens, we’ll have to contend with this year’s winner. With JLS and Eoghan Quigg already dealt with, let’s have a look at Alexandra Burke...
“Howay man pet, vote for my Alex she’s got a geet canny voice and she should definitely win. If you vote for her, I’ll buy you a stottie”. The words of Alexandra Burke's X Factor mentor Cheryl Cole, there. Even if you don’t like Alexandra, at least vote for her anyway as it’ll make Cheryl win and hopefully force Dannii Minogue off the show in some sort of girly rage. Tomorrow is the grand finale of X Factor 2008. Who knows what we’ll get in 2009. Maybe robots will be allowed to enter the competition. Until that happens, we’ll have to contend with this year’s winner. With JLS and Eoghan Quigg already dealt with, let’s have a look at Alexandra Burke...
