Articles tagged with: X Factor
Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
The good and not so good. Folded: The Road (not out in the UK until next year, but here is an early review because we can) Also coming next year: a game with hats (about time) Busting X Factor (vote for Jedward. They’ll win and the whole show will implode) Speeding (you might be able to. You are a doctor, right?) Emmanuelle ...
The good and not so good. Folded: The Road (not out in the UK until next year, but here is an early review because we can) Also coming next year: a game with hats (about time) Busting X Factor (vote for Jedward. They’ll win and the whole show will implode) Speeding (you might be able to. You are a doctor, right?) Emmanuelle ...
WEBTHUMP! 18 November 2009
10 - HILARIOUS OR DISTURBING? A 19-year-old boy crying and punching a wall because he doesn't like Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 very much - Geekologie 9 - That Channel 4 3D season. Not great, is it? - Watchwithmothers 8 - Kim Kardashian with her mouth taped up. Make the most of it, folks - AmyGrindhouse 7 - Boy, Chris Rock's dinner parties sure sound fun - Monsters And Critics
X Factor Recap: People Finally Realise How Rubbish Jamie Archer Is
Last night Jamie Archer was kicked out of X Factor, and our weekends just aren't going to be the same ever again. Admittedly that's because there's now going to be a space of two minutes during our weekends where we won't hunt our living room for some knitting needles to jam into our ears, but still. Jamie Archer left X Factor on Queen Night which, if you didn't know, also doubles as Deliberately Make Freddie Mercury Try To Curse Brian May From Beyond The Grave Night. But, hey, let's give you that X Factor recap you've been gasping for, eh?
Last night Jamie Archer was kicked out of X Factor, and our weekends just aren't going to be the same ever again. Admittedly that's because there's now going to be a space of two minutes during our weekends where we won't hunt our living room for some knitting needles to jam into our ears, but still. Jamie Archer left X Factor on Queen Night which, if you didn't know, also doubles as Deliberately Make Freddie Mercury Try To Curse Brian May From Beyond The Grave Night. But, hey, let's give you that X Factor recap you've been gasping for, eh?
4 More Terrible X Factor Decisions Revealed!
Oh yeah, everyone’s gone crazy bananas ever since Simon Cowell allowed the public to cast Lucie Jones back to her dreary Welsh village, where she can forever plat people’s hair, and regale them with tales about the time she wore razor-cut denim, and sung a song that no one had ever heard of. “I’m sorry, but who the hell are you?” they will ask. “I’m Lucie Jones,” she will declare, standing up from her seat, imagining the warmth of a spotlight once again caressing her stupid Welsh face. “Lucie Jones, the lonely girl from Wales, who went on to national fame and stardom… for about a month.” She’ll then either start frenziedly hacking at her own arms, or take up board and lodgings in whichever dumpster Shane Ward and Leon Jackson have now decided to call home. The point being that it doesn’t matter one jot that Cowell saved those turdish Irish twins at the weekend. Like the rest of them, fast forward a few months, and they will be touching themselves for coins in some rancid little corner of the internet. This is an early-evening variety show - Leona Lewis and JLS aside, it doesn’t produce actual stars. So everyone should just shut up. Plus it’s not the first time that the important X Factor judges/general public have cocked things up anyway. Read on, and we’ll tell you some more…
Oh yeah, everyone’s gone crazy bananas ever since Simon Cowell allowed the public to cast Lucie Jones back to her dreary Welsh village, where she can forever plat people’s hair, and regale them with tales about the time she wore razor-cut denim, and sung a song that no one had ever heard of. “I’m sorry, but who the hell are you?” they will ask. “I’m Lucie Jones,” she will declare, standing up from her seat, imagining the warmth of a spotlight once again caressing her stupid Welsh face. “Lucie Jones, the lonely girl from Wales, who went on to national fame and stardom… for about a month.” She’ll then either start frenziedly hacking at her own arms, or take up board and lodgings in whichever dumpster Shane Ward and Leon Jackson have now decided to call home. The point being that it doesn’t matter one jot that Cowell saved those turdish Irish twins at the weekend. Like the rest of them, fast forward a few months, and they will be touching themselves for coins in some rancid little corner of the internet. This is an early-evening variety show - Leona Lewis and JLS aside, it doesn’t produce actual stars. So everyone should just shut up. Plus it’s not the first time that the important X Factor judges/general public have cocked things up anyway. Read on, and we’ll tell you some more…
X Factor Recap: Lucie Jones Out, Jedward Rule Forever
X Factor has ditched Lucie Jones. And it hasn't ditched John And Edward. We feel dirty saying this, but we want to kiss Simon Cowell on his face. But anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Songs From The Movies night. And, in fact, it was the first episode of X Factor where all the contestants chose to perform numbers from the same movie - a 1983 VHS home recording of a feral street cat being repeatedly punched in the testicles. Or that's what it sounded like, at least. We might be wrong. Anyway, you came here for an X Factor recap, so let's give you one...
X Factor has ditched Lucie Jones. And it hasn't ditched John And Edward. We feel dirty saying this, but we want to kiss Simon Cowell on his face. But anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Songs From The Movies night. And, in fact, it was the first episode of X Factor where all the contestants chose to perform numbers from the same movie - a 1983 VHS home recording of a feral street cat being repeatedly punched in the testicles. Or that's what it sounded like, at least. We might be wrong. Anyway, you came here for an X Factor recap, so let's give you one...
X Factor Recap: Toodleoo, Rachel Adedeji
X Factor's Rock Night on Saturday wasn't very good for Rachel Adedeji, because it finally saw them get the boot from the show. But they didn't get the worst deal of it. No, that would be us. Because we had to watch the poxy thing. Honestly, we think 'Rock Night' might have been a typo - surely it was really called Cock Night or Suck Night or Let's Transparently Try And Make Jamie Look Better Than He Actually Is Night. Yick. Anyway, let's have a bit of an X Factor recap, shall we?
X Factor's Rock Night on Saturday wasn't very good for Rachel Adedeji, because it finally saw them get the boot from the show. But they didn't get the worst deal of it. No, that would be us. Because we had to watch the poxy thing. Honestly, we think 'Rock Night' might have been a typo - surely it was really called Cock Night or Suck Night or Let's Transparently Try And Make Jamie Look Better Than He Actually Is Night. Yick. Anyway, let's have a bit of an X Factor recap, shall we?
X Factor Plebs To Release Michael Jackson Song
What do Michael Jackson and STDs have in common? They are both annoying and won't go away. No matter how much you itch, apply cream and shower. Oh, that might just be our crabs. Genuinely, we thought Michael Jackson’s This Is It film would be the last from him. We’d get to laugh at the fake footage of him jumping from bridges, swinging from buildings and making fans believe he wasn’t drugged up and close to being in a coma. Now we’ve heard word that Michael Jackson is making a technical comeback with this year’s X Factor monkeys. All for charity of course. Like that helps.
What do Michael Jackson and STDs have in common? They are both annoying and won't go away. No matter how much you itch, apply cream and shower. Oh, that might just be our crabs. Genuinely, we thought Michael Jackson’s This Is It film would be the last from him. We’d get to laugh at the fake footage of him jumping from bridges, swinging from buildings and making fans believe he wasn’t drugged up and close to being in a coma. Now we’ve heard word that Michael Jackson is making a technical comeback with this year’s X Factor monkeys. All for charity of course. Like that helps.
X Factor Recap: Oh, Bye Then Miss Frank
Time for us to recap X Factor - the show so preposterous that it makes 2012 look like a low-budget Scandinavian arthouse film about lesbians. As you probably saw last night Miss Frank became the latest contestant to leave X Factor. And it was a shock - specifically because the British public had the chance to forget about Danyl Johnson forever, and they blew it. Idiots. Anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Big Band night, which is historically the least unbearable show of the series. So let's have a little recap, shall we?
Time for us to recap X Factor - the show so preposterous that it makes 2012 look like a low-budget Scandinavian arthouse film about lesbians. As you probably saw last night Miss Frank became the latest contestant to leave X Factor. And it was a shock - specifically because the British public had the chance to forget about Danyl Johnson forever, and they blew it. Idiots. Anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Big Band night, which is historically the least unbearable show of the series. So let's have a little recap, shall we?
