For years now, butch gay men have been modelling themselves on Hulk Hogan. Handlebar moustache? Check. Tight t-shirt with the sleeves cut off? Check. Flings with musclebound studs called Brutus Beefcake? Check…
Wait, what?
Yes, according to Hogan’s estranged wife Linda, Terrance Gene ‘Hulk Hogan’ Bollea had an affair with the aforementioned Mr Beefcake, a.k.a. Ed Leslie. The claims emerged in her recent book: ‘Wrestling the Hulk’, which, incidentally is also the name of an obscure sexual practice featuring three men in ripped trousers and a vat of green paint.
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Everyone has got it in for Hulk Hogan at the moment. Ultimate Warrior (real name, ‘Warrior’ – no seriously) did a video sneering at the Hulkster and now, Linda Hogan is taking shots at the moustachioed baby-oil loving grappler.
Linda Hogan has made some pretty shocking claims in her new book Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes, but gave out some more elbow-drops on an American chatshow that you don’t need to know the name of.
Basically, while we’ll concede that no relationship is ever perfect, Hulk Hogan seems to have had a relationship that is incredibly odd indeed. Not surprising from a man who has earned his living by running around in his underpants and pretending to fight other men in the most homoerotic spectacle since Shaq took a bath with eight sirloin steaks.
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Back in 2004, there was a video released of two WWE wrestlers going at it hammer and tongues. Seriously. Sadly for you weirdos, it wasn’t a ‘feature’ that starred Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair in a bath giving each other toe-jobs, but rather, a proper grotgramme that saw X-Pac and Chyna grunting at each other.
So what did we learn from the experience? Well, we discovered that X-Pac likes to wear incredibly tight trousers away from the ring and that Chyna has an ugly piercing in a delicate part of her anatomy. The pair also rut like pigs in swill.
The whole thing left a bad taste in the mouth, right? Well, not for Chyna. That’s because she’s making another porn film which X-Pac is graciously refusing to watch, saying: “It’s too hard remembering how devastated she was the first time around.”
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Dwayne Johnson a.k.a. The Rock a.k.a. The Great One a.k.a. The Brahma Bull a.k.a. The People’s Champion a.k.a. The Scorpion King has decided that now is the time for him to don his famous trunks once more and return to the world of professional wrestling.
That’s right folks. Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to the WWE.
While wrestling fans all over the globe doff their beer-hats and wipe a greasy tear from their collective faces with a podgy, cheese covered finger, we here at hecklerspray can only wonder what has caused The Rock to make such a grandiose return to Vince McMahon’s proverbial dead horse, which by now has been flogged more times than anyone cares to pay attention to. Read More >>>
Katie Holmes may well have finally escaped from the clutches of Tom Cruise, if reports in some glossy yank rag are to be believed.
The Star is reporting that the Tomkat experience is over and no longer a thread to the rest of us with their weird placenta eating ways. You can’t really blame them for thinking that though, what with the recent fad for celebrity separations garnering copious column inches in the run up to Christmas.
When you think about it, that’s just plain depressing.
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When parents want to know the sexuality of their young sons, there are a few tried and tested methods of determining their outcome.
In the old days, ma and pa simply offered little Johnny the choice of a manly action man or a soppy doll to fiddle with. If the little tyke picked the girl’s toy, he was easily cured via a couple of brisk clips around the head. This was repeated until the boy’s toy was selected, or brain damage kicked in.
But nowadays, a simpler method has emerged for parents, via the worst sport in the history of man – WWE Wrestling. It isn’t so much a sport, but a comedy pantomime where fat sweaty Americans comically pretend to hurt each other in tight lycra. An image to make your brain do a vomit. However, the the punches recently got real between aging star Ric Flair and his wife. However, she was the one delivering the pain.
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Well this came out of nowhere – apparently professional wrestlers can be a bit dim now and again.
Staggering, isn’t it? But famous WWE wrestler Chris Jericho and cripplingly anonymous WWE wrestler Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms are only too happy to prove that point for you. That’s why they’ve both been arrested in Kentucky for drunkenly fighting each other in the back of a taxi.
Real fighting, too – apparently Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms didn’t even strip down to their pants, shriek scripted insults at each other or trade poncey little pre-rehearsed slaps that they both reacted to in an unnecessarily exaggerated way. So, goodness, they must have been drunk.
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Hulk Hogan really should stick to the things he knows get people on his side.
Rip your flimsy vest off and expose us to your leathery pectorals, stomp around huffing and puffing and generally be unable to wrestle. That’s the Hulk Hogan we know and love. Though, to be honest, that kind of behaviour has become embarrassing over the last decade or so.
But one thing you shouldn’t – you absolutely should not - do is to say that your son ruining the life of a friend through reckless driving is “God’s will.” Just as Hulk did the other day. Oops.
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