Rap troll, Lil Wayne is going to release his prison diaries, just in time for next Christmas. That’ll be a nice present for your nana won’t it? In it, he’ll probably talk to God a lot while simultaneously glamorising his pretend ‘thug’ lifestyle.
But will he be mentioning the poundings he took around the anus while in the prison showers? We do hope so, because that would be refreshingly charming!
The book will be titled ‘Gone Till November’ and will be based around the diaries he kept while in the clink. This puts Wayne in the same company as Nelson Mandela and… uh… Jeffrey Archer.
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People are really, very very stupid. They’ve always fallen for the oldest trick in the book and, wanting to eschew the popular kids and good-looking folk, they’ve adored those who trade in false-modesty. The ‘I’m crap like you too!’ brigade.
Then, best of all, when the facade slips, the falsely modest get a hot girlfriend and have the temerity to be happy and in love. This sends fans into a jealous slump, picking holes in the work of their former fave. They’ve changed! They’re not as funny as they used to be! How dare they hang around with celebrities!
In other news, Charlie Brooker is about to become a father to a shrieking baby with Konnie Huq who he loves more than all of you goons put together. Awww!
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Over at the hecklerspray bedsit, we’ve been getting a little bit worried about our favourite singing foetus, Justin Bieber. We genuinely thought that the little runt had burnt himself out after constant album promotion, touring and trying to work out how Selena Gomez’s vagina works.
Apparently not though: Justin has still found the time to record a new, undoubtedly woeful, track with buck-toothed punching enthusiast Chris Brown.
Instead of recording rubbish new songs, it seems that Justin Bieber has been working to exploit other gaps in the market. Basics such as posters, cutlery and blenders have probably been covered. So now he’s taking the plunge into perfume (not literally, you understand).
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It looks like there’s going to be a fair wait until Batman 3 pops its fat head out for us all to see.
The sequel to the Best Film Ever(tm) that has made more money than the GDP of many African nations combined, The Dark Knight, will get a sequel at some point. On one hand, who would blame the studio? It’s a licence to print money. On the same hand but slightly tilted, the vast majority of people who have seen the first two films actually want a sequel, seeing as both Batman Begins and the more recent helping were utterly brilliant.
Oh, plus Christian Bale isn’t going to be put in the slammer for three hundred years, or thereabouts.
But David S. Goyer, writer of the screenplay for both films, has other things to do for quite a while, so you plebians are going to have to wait a while for your next hit of Gotham’s favourite vigilante.
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