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Lindsay Lohan stepped out on the red carpet this week looking as young, sexy and stylish as ever. Wait, we mean the exact opposite of that.
The o?b?v?i?o?u?s? ?c?r?a?c?k? ?a?d?d?i?c?t starlet was papped at the amfAR New York Gala yesterday sporting tobacco-stained hair, meth teeth and accessorised her hot new look with a Grinch-skin coat and a vacant stare.
Want a look? You brave crusader, you. Just click the jump.
Back in ’89, Back to the Future 2 premiered on cinema screens and everyone went wild for hoverboards and his Nike Air Mag. As hoverboards aren’t likely to hit production anytime soon, Nike seem to be toying with the idea of releasing the sneakers to the world.
Wise move. You’ll get ironic buyers and people who just think they’re the bee’s knees. In fairness, self-lacing hi-tops are pretty cool.
Over the jump, you’ll see a video called ‘Marty McFly’s Closet’ which should get you retronauts all giddy for a pair of ‘Air Mags’. So what else should make the leap from fiction to reality?
Do you like Woody Allen? Then we have some great news. But only if you like Woody Allen.
Because if you don’t like Woody Allen, preferring to devote your time to clicking on pictures of scantily-clad girls on the internet in the desperate hope that you’ll be redirected to a pornography site, only to be disappointingly taken to a clothes retailer, we’ve got some bad news.
American Apparel has given Woody Allen $5 million for using an image of him on a billboard without permission. Just think how many smug, creatively-desolate Scarlett Johansson movies he can make with that. Joy.
When Scarlett Johansson tells you something isn’t sexy, we wouldn’t hold it against you if you believed her.
She’s a style icon, a Hollywood megastar and a thoroughly beautiful girl. But when the ‘not sexy’ thing she’s talking about is getting off with another one of the most visually pleasing women in the movie business – Penelope Cruz – then, well, we wouldn’t hold it against you if you went and told Scarlett she was talking a great big pile of crud.
The kiss they shared wasn’t a subtle ploy to distract everyone in the world from the fact that all the Hollywood types seem to be getting struck down with one illness or another. No, it’s just a part of that new Woody Allen film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which is clearly going to be a great big bag of balls.
Aside from the scene in question, of course.
A homosexual moment between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s latest movie is the talk of the 61st Cannes Film Festival.
Three cheers for Woody Allen and his much maligned interest in younger women!
The news should finally shut up all the player-haters out there – you know who you are! The ones of you who thought it ‘weird’ for a man to show a sexual interest in his own adopted daughter.
Well you can now jump off your high horses because, like World War 2 before, the ends always justify the means and the sight of Scarlett and Penelope lezzin’ off is no doubt a joyful scene.
Hey everyone, Woody Allen’s got a new movie coming out! Wait, where are you going? Come back!
Look, we know that most people would rather remove their bellend with the rough side of a cheesegrater than actually watch a Woody Allen film these days, primarily because they’re all uniformly rubbish, but this one – entitled Vicky Cristina Barcelona – is different.
OK, it’s probably not that different at all really – we’re willing to bet it’ll be as painfully rubbish to watch as anything else Woody Allen has released in the last 20 years – but in this one Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz have a bit of a kiss. We’ve got the video after the jump, effectively saving you the price of a cinema ticket. We’re good to you, no?
Woody Allen hasn't endorsed any product since the Acme Adopted Stepdaughter That You're Allowed To Sleep With in 1992.
But you wouldn't know it to drive around America gawking out of your car window instead of concentrating on the road ahead of you. Because if you've been doing that, the moments directly before your gruesome death were probably spent looking at billboards of Woody Allen appearing to endorse American Apparel.
However, Woody Allen hasn't been endorsing American Apparel at all, which is why he's launched a $10 million lawsuit against the company. And he has every right to, because the billboards don't accurately representing him as an artist. No, they'd need to be 500% shitter and have Ewan McGregor in them to do that.
How will 2007 be remembered, do you think?
The year that Tony Blair stepped down after a ten-year tenure as Prime Minister? The year in which California wildfires prompted a mass evacuation? The year of the monks and their Burmese protests?
Possibly, yes. But it seems that for some of you, 2007 will go down as the year that Hecklerspray made a boo-boo by including one too many syllables in the first line of a winning celebrity haiku. Yeah, yeah – we made a mistake. Sorry 'bout that.
Oh. And if, say, anyone was so enraged by an error in a bit-of-fun weekly poetry contest as to label the writer 'a pallid excuse for a human being', might we direct you to this. Or this. Maybe, y'know, take some notes or something.
Anyway. On with the show. This week we're looking at bespectacled director-type Woody Allen. But first, let's have a quick peek at last week's winner.
