Paris Hilton is no stranger to prizes – in her life she's won everything from the Most Pointless Wonky-Eyed Skinbag award to a statuette for Best Internet Blowjob (Wonky-Eyes Class).

But now Paris Hilton gets to add an award to that list that actually exists – yesterday Paris was officially crowned as the Harvard Lampoon's Woman Of The Year.

And, really, Paris Hilton winning an award at Harvard sends an undeniably positive message to the women of the world – that they can accomplish anything they put their mind to in life, provided they've got a billionaire grandfather, a month-long jail sentence under their belt and a tendency to suck men off and film it for the internet.

You're right to be jealous of Paris Hilton, you know. How many times have you been asked to pose naked for a range of canned champagne? None. How many hopelessly failed albums have you ever released? None. How many times have you ever urinated in a taxi? Well, OK, now we come to mention it you look like the sort of person who urinates in taxis quite a lot, but you get the idea. Paris Hilton has blown more opportunities than you'll ever have in your entire miserable life.

And now Paris Hilton gets to hang around the sort of rah-rah bowtie-wearing richboy ninnies who simply adore boating on the lake and using the word 'quintessential' in sentences just to prove how clever they are. That's right – Paris Hilton has gone to Harvard.

No, not to study – as far as we know the college hasn't started a PhD in Grainy Shamefaced Internet Sex Tape Production And Distribution – but to receive an award. Last month we reported that Paris Hilton was up for a Harvard prize, but at the time we just thought that it was all a big lie to help promote her rubbish-looking new film The Hottie And The Nottie. However, it looks like the award was genuine because yesterday Paris Hilton went to collect it. The Boston Globe reports:

"Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine standing here," Hilton told a crowd of about 100 students. "It's really exciting and I've had such a great time." "They're honoring me for being in business and my acting," Hilton explained to us. Undergrads brought all sorts of items for the socialite to sign: student IDs, their Blackberrys, Harvard boxer shorts, the syllabus from a freshman sociology class, and Hilton's self-titled CD. Said junior Norman Goode, who got Paris to sign his math project. "I guess that's the quintessential Harvard experience."

Now, we feel we should point out that Paris Hilton didn't win the coveted Harvard Hasty Pudding Woman Of The Year award – that only goes to true megastars like, um, Scarlett Johansson – but instead she received the Harvard Lampoon's Woman Of The Year award. That's very obviously a pisstake prize, although we're not sure if anyone actually bothered to pass the news on to Paris, because we've never seen her shiny cattle face look any happier.

Still, though, Paris Hilton is Harvard's Woman Of The Year, and that's just something we'll have to respect. But if she's the Woman Of The Year then who's the Man Of The Year? We haven't bothered to find out, but we assume it's someone of equal worth, like OJ Simpson or that man three in from the left in the second-to-last Maroon 5 music video. Or something.

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Paris Hilton applies herself to Harvard – Boston Herald 

Forget the Oscars and the Grammys and the Golden Globes – they're all rubbish, largely because Paris Hilton won't ever win any of them.

Where it's at now, kids, is the Harvard University Woman Of The Year award, because – other than the inaugural Dozy Wonk-Eyed Slapper gala set for later this spring – it's just about the only award that Paris Hilton will get this year.

No, really, Paris Hilton is going to get a Woman Of The Year award. We're not making this up. Promise.

As comprehensive and groundbreaking as Paris Hilton's 1,500 page thesis on the first iconoclastic period of the Isaurian Byzantine dynasty is, it was generally thought that only way that Paris Hilton could ever get into Harvard is if she sucked off a security guard, filmed it and put it on the internet.

But how wrong we all were. As it turns out, Paris Hilton is going to Harvard University next month to pick up the Hasty Pudding Woman Of The Year award, because apparently she's been fairly important over the last 12 months. News to us.

But apparently this is true. Of all the billions of women in the whole world, the megabrains at Harvard have decided that Paris Hilton is the only one who deserves to become their woman of the year. According to UPI:

Hilton is slated to accept the award and speak publicly to Harvard University's student body at a large public ceremony in the middle of Harvard Square in Cambridge, Mass., Feb. 6, said Regent Releasing, the studio behind her new big-screen comedy "The Hottie and the Nottie," which opens nationwide Feb. 8.

Oh, OK – if the studio behind Paris Hilton's so-shit-that-only-an-idiot-would-watch-it misogynistic romcom The Hottie And The Nottie have announced this Woman Of The Year accolade, then maybe there's a fraction of a chance that it's all a lie baked up as a watery publicity stunt to boost awareness of that awful piece of crap movie.

But let's just say that it is true and that Paris Hilton really is going to accept Harvard University's Woman Of The Year award. Why? Could it be because the students at Harvard have witnessed Paris Hilton's dramatic personality shift from drink-driving jailbird to the Rwanda-shunning do-gooder who paints herself gold for charity that she is today and they want her to impart her zen-like messages of philanthropy on the children of the world?

Either that or they hear that Paris is a massive slut who'll bang anything that walks. One or the other.

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Paris Hilton headed to Harvard – UPI