woman - HecklerSpray

Awesome or Off-Putting: WWII Allies Almost Turned Hitler Into A Mustachioed Woman

August 28th, 2011 By Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

If Adolph Hitler had been a woman, perhaps he would have only killed his husband’s dinner every night instead of all those innocent nice people. But alas – he wasn’t. The testosterone that raced through his veins pushed his military into the far corners of the world – mowing down anybody that prayed to a different God. If only his hobbies had been crocheting and recipes instead of gas chambers and bombs. Perhaps then things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand.

Perhaps that’s why the allied forces were going to use inside people to slip him enough estrogen to make him grow boobies, and wonder which lip stick would go best with his shoes.

Richard Keys And Andy Gray Are Back On The Airwaves

February 9th, 2011 By Kris Silver

The transfer season may well be over, but the biggest football transfer of the year has just taken place. That's right, after having their contracts terminated by Sky Sports, public whipping boys Richard Keys and Andy Gray have signed for conference side talkSPORT, in a deal said to be worth roughly the price of a few Fray Bentos pies.

Gray and Keys, or to give them their proper names, Tweedle-Chimp (have you seen how hairy Keys’ hands are? They’re not HD friendly, that’s for sure) and Tweedle-Chump, are to host a new show every weekday from 10am until 1pm.

Presumably the show will primarily involve Gray and Keys explaining the off-side rule to female callers.

James May Thinks All Modern Men Are Rubbish And Just Sperm Providers For All You Women Who Don't Like Sex

November 3rd, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

This week hasn't proved too kindly for females has it? To hecklerspray, all women are wonderful creations that make our lives better on a daily basis. Even though you need an instruction manual the thickness of a washing machine to work out how they work. Unless you're a gay man it seems.

Some of the fascinating facts about women will never be discovered. But we won't make fun of Stephen Fry. We don't want him to cry and threaten to leave Twitter.

Now men have come in for a ticking off. Not off a lesbian like Claire Balding, but a shaggy haired motoring bloke, James May. You know, the fourth most popular presenter after Clarkson, the one that does the terrible Morrison?s adverts and the recently ousted Stig.

Some Lady: Keanu Reeves Fathered My Kids And Won’t Add Me To His Bank Account

July 9th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

Some might think the hardest part about being Keanu Reeves is hair management. Those who think this are right.

Others think the hardest part about being him is that he’s so fertile he can’t help but impregnate everything he touches – including houses, plants and that sticky brown stuff in the bottom of your fridge. With that in mind it becomes slightly easier to believe a woman who claims Keanu fathered all four of her children from deep inside a late night TV showing of the original Speed movie.

That’s not an exact quote, mind you, but it’s in the ballpark.

Suge Knight Charged With Being Suge Knight, Essentially

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Given that he’s everywhere all the time at the moment, we’re starting to think that Suge Knight is the gangsta Miley Cyrus.

Not completely – the day that photos of Suge Knight rolling around in his knickers are leaked to the internet is the day we cut out our eyes and, to our knowledge, Miley Cyrus has never driven around in a car allegedly punching a woman in the head – but in terms of ubiquity, the comparison just about holds up. Just about.

In fact, it’s this whole ‘allegedly punching women in the head while driving a car’ thing that’s brought Suge Knight to our attention again this time. Because now Suge Knight has been charged for the last time he supposedly beat up a women in a car. And since this time the charges also include a spot of beating up a woman in a car park with a knife in his hand, Suge Knight faces eight and a half years in jail. Oh well.

You Want Katherine Heigl To Be You Girlfriend, It Says Here

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You know Katherine Heigl, the mouthy one from Knocked Up and Grey's Anatomy? You want her to be your girlfriend. You do.

You want Katherine Heigl to be your girlfriend because an AskMen.com survey has declared that Katherine Heigl is the most desirable woman on the planet and, as a man, it's the law to want her all to yourself.

And, you know, even if you're not a man you probably want Katherine Heigl to be your girlfriend as well. We're open-minded people, so we understand if you girls want a piece of Katherine Heigl too. Our only request is, if that should ever happen, that you film it and send us a copy. For research purposes. There's nothing funny about it.

Madonna Just About The Universe’s Richest Woman Now

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It's so easy to become richer than your wildest dreams – all you need is a mockney husband, a giant glittery crucifix and a ghastly purple leotard that shows off your old lady's tumpsy in more detail than anyone really wanted.

As far as we can tell, that's been Madonna's trick, and it seems to have done OK for her – a Forbes survey has declared that Madonna is the richest woman in music, earning about $72 million a year.

Ask yourself this, though – does all that money make Madonna happy? Yes, of course it does. But does it make her look less wrinkled and veiny? No is does not. Ergo we win.