Some Lady: Keanu Reeves Fathered My Kids And Won’t Add Me To His Bank Account Some might think the hardest part about being Keanu Reeves is hair management. Those who think this are right. Others think the hardest part about being him is that he's so fertile he can't help but impregnate everything he touches - including houses, plants and that sticky brown stuff in the bottom of your fridge. With that in mind it becomes slightly easier to believe a woman who claims Keanu fathered all four of her children from deep inside a late night TV showing of the original Speed movie. That's not an exact quote, mind you, but it's in the ballpark.

Suge Knight Charged With Being Suge Knight, Essentially Given that he's everywhere all the time at the moment, we're starting to think that Suge Knight is the gangsta Miley Cyrus. Not completely - the day that photos of Suge Knight rolling around in his knickers are leaked to the internet is the day we cut out our eyes and, to our knowledge, Miley Cyrus has never driven around in a car allegedly punching a woman in the head - but in terms of ubiquity, the comparison just about holds up. Just about. In fact, it's this whole 'allegedly punching women in the head while driving a car' thing that's brought Suge Knight to our attention again this time. Because now Suge Knight has been charged for the last time he supposedly beat up a women in a car. And since this time the charges also include a spot of beating up a woman in a car park with a knife in his hand, Suge Knight faces eight and a half years in jail. Oh well.

You Want Katherine Heigl To Be You Girlfriend, It Says Here

You know Katherine Heigl, the mouthy one from Knocked Up and Grey's Anatomy? You want her to be your girlfriend. You do.

You want Katherine Heigl to be your girlfriend because an AskMen.com survey has declared that Katherine Heigl is the most desirable woman on the planet and, as a man, it's the law to want her all to yourself.

And, you know, even if you're not a man you probably want Katherine Heigl to be your girlfriend as well. We're open-minded people, so we understand if you girls want a piece of Katherine Heigl too. Our only request is, if that should ever happen, that you film it and send us a copy. For research purposes. There's nothing funny about it.

Madonna Just About The Universe’s Richest Woman Now

It's so easy to become richer than your wildest dreams - all you need is a mockney husband, a giant glittery crucifix and a ghastly purple leotard that shows off your old lady's tumpsy in more detail than anyone really wanted.

As far as we can tell, that's been Madonna's trick, and it seems to have done OK for her - a Forbes survey has declared that Madonna is the richest woman in music, earning about $72 million a year.

Ask yourself this, though - does all that money make Madonna happy? Yes, of course it does. But does it make her look less wrinkled and veiny? No is does not. Ergo we win.