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Wolverine

Reviewer Fired For Liking Wolverine, More Or Less

by Stuart Heritage

This Wolverine leak is worse than anyone could have possibly feared – word has it the film’s actually quite good.

It’s a disaster! Wolverine was supposed to be terrible from start to finish, but now word’s got out that it might not be a relentlessly dismal parade of cinematic diarrhoea that’ll make you consider actual suicide, and heads are going to roll for it.

First up is Fox’s Roger Friedman, who positively reviewed the leaked copy of Wolverine and got the sack for it. Let that be a lesson – if you’ve watched Wolverine online, make sure you tell everyone it’s crap.

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Wolverine Leaks Online, The Dirty Git

by Stuart Heritage

You know how nobody cares about the Wolverine movie because it’s the fourth film in a creatively-exhausted franchise?

Well, guess what? Now people have a brand new, even more exciting reason to ignore Wolverine when it’s released – anyone with a computer can illegally download a high-quality copy of the movie from the internet. A copy of Wolverine has been uploaded to torrent sites a month before release, leaving 20th Century Fox bigwigs fuming.

Luckily for them, though, comic book geeks are notoriously unable to use the internet properly. Wolverine’s secret lives on to fight another day!

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Wolverine Not Rubbish, Just Unfinished (Honest)

by Stuart Heritage

Right now the Wolverine crew are in Canada, probably either filming an explosion or a close-up of Hugh Jackman’s anguished face.

Or something. The truth is, we don’t know. But just because Wolverine is still filming weeks after the shoot was due to be completed, it doesn’t mean that the movie’s a sack of balls. Honest. Hugh Jackman wants everyone to know that it’s just unfinished.

Which, you know, is great for Hugh Jackman, but rubbish for us. We were hoping that it meant Wolverine star will.i.am would be recast with someone more convincing, like Dr Harold Shipman or some broccoli.

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Hugh Jackman Destroys Everything In New Wolverine Trailer

by Stuart Heritage

Give Hugh Jackman a job and he’ll do it – hosting the Oscars, starring in guffy Nicole Kidman films that everyone hates, apparently being sexy.

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Wolverine: Now Inexplicably Starring A Bloody Black Eyed Pea

by Stuart Heritage

Those X-Men movies, they were OK – but it’s blindingly obvious that they missed one vital ingredient.

And that’s a mutant with the power to take any song you ever liked and ruin it by lazily babbling a lot of meaningless shit about tits over the top while waving a can of Pepsi Max around. But fear not – that’ll all be changed with the new Wolverine prequel movie, because Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas has just signed up for a role.

Rumours that signing Will.i.am up for the Wolverine film is just a ploy to make people think that painting Frasier blue and casting him as a monster in X-Men 3 was a comparatively decent idea are still unconfirmed.

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