Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Lynx (or ‘aftershave substitute’) gets you the girls, right? There’s no point plodding around smelling of yourself. That’s never going to woo the opposite sex is it?
And those scamps at Lynx have gone and made a funny advert which we can unlock the secrets of by pressing buttons.
That’s right. If you hit 5,7,3 and 8 on your keyboard while watching their newest viral thingy (which you can see over the jump), you’ll… well… we won’t spoil the surprise.
Angels. They’re funny things aren’t they? They live in heaven (which looks pretty boring) and have wings for no discernible reason. If you were God’s Army, surely you could fly without wings, right?
Either way, they fly around and totally exist and play harp really well. Although, we’ve taken our eye off the ball. We don’t document angels nearly as frequently as we once did. They’re all probably playing keytars or Moog synthesizers now.
That’s not to say there haven’t been angels on our radar. Away from religious paintings and cave etchings, we’ve had a few in pop-culture… alas, with varying degrees of success.
It's been a while since any female UK pop acts have been applauded so Lily Allen has been a bit quiet of late, busying herself as she is with her dreadful non-charitable charity-shop exorbitant clothes-rental business.
But fear not, Jessie J has done quite well at the increasingly perplexing MOBO awards so Lily has piped up once again in the most passive-aggressive manner possible in the hope of starting yet another publicity-garnering feud.
The great big doe-eyed Keith Allen looky-likey publicity hungry geezer-bird?tweeted following the awards.
Do you have a sexy face? Y’know, one of those faces that make people giddy rather than nauseous? Chances are, if you’re a hecklerspray regular, you’re revolting. Alas, you may have that in-built belief that youare beautiful, no matter what they say and words won’t bring you down.
Rik Waller once quoted that line at Josie D’Arby when she asked him why he’d decided to get corn rows.
But we digress. See, the reason we're talking about sexy faces is because Ann Summers, the lingerie peddler, retailer of sex toys and realiser of mucky dreams have teamed up with those rascals at ITV2. Ann Summers are going to search for the sexiest face in the UK with some roadshows around the UK including Birmingham, London, Manchester and Essex.
Are you the kind of person who wants to ditch your normally boring mates and hang around with some celebrities instead? Of course you are. That’s all anyone really wants. Celebrities have helicopters and diamond socks while your awful mates have overdrafts and microwave meals.
If that’s the case then, you’ll be wanting to hang around with Snoop Dogg won’t you? You’ll be able to drop it like it’s hot, whatever it is.
And so, our new chums from Xbox and Ibiza Rocks are running a competition to make your dreams come true, and all you have to do is recall the best moments of summer. You have to keep reading this article as well though, you idle oaf.
Like coffee shops and vintage clothing boutiques, UK festivals are cropping up all over the place. The modern day music lover is literally spoilt for choice in terms of who they want to see perform in a muddy field. While festivals such as Glastonbury, T in the Park and V offer a mixed bag of artists, more genre themed events have emerged that include rock at Download, indie at Reading & Leeds and electronic at Global Gathering.
Now in its tenth year, Global Gathering has always pushed the boundaries of innovation to make sure it tops the previous year with an ever expanding range of electronic genres are being for catered for.
Well known and underground artists from the world of dubstep, drum & bass and electro have been recruited to make sure that no-one attending is standing still for more than five seconds. If you missed out on tickets, fear not, we've got our grubby paws on a pair and we really want you to have them.
Charlie Sheen is making it increasingly difficult for hecklerspray to write jokes. Now, you’d think that, the more he opens his mouth, the more opportunity we’d have to poke fun at him. Alas, the truth is, Sheen is now transcending jokes themselves. He’s beyond farce.
As such, we’re now more than willing to just let him take the floor.
Chandelier bully, tiger blooded, napalm brained, sallow faced master of all things ‘win’, Sheen is now getting so much air-time that it looks like he’s hovering. And now, he’s calling Hugh Hefner an amateur and using increasingly wild analogies for his life. When he dies in the next 12 months, we’re sure going to miss him.
Thanks to your hideous face and your tremendous amount of chins, there’s a good chance you’ve spend many hours trying to make your Facebook profile pictures look half decent.
You continually try to fool people into thinking you're actually good looking. Or funny. Or popular. hecklerspray knows your pain. Collectively, we look like the contents of a melted doll factory.
And so, in what is clearly an advertorial where you can win stuff, why not put all that time and effort into good use and get free stuff from Uncle Sony?
Oh joy of bloody joys! We ran a competition which required you dolts to answer a question which had an answer that could easily be found via the miracle of internet search engines. However, nearly every single one of you got it wrong.
In fact, the only person who got the answer right, was David Beasley from West Sussex!
And so, ‘Big Boy’ Beasley wins a copy of ‘Get Him To The Greek: The Extended Party Edition’ on Blu-ray, as well as copies of ?Funny People?, ?Knocked Up?, ?40 Year Old Virgin?, ?Forgetting Sarah Marshall? and ?Anchorman?.
Want a dose of the funnies for free? Do you? WELL DO YOU? If reading hecklerspray doesn’t do it for you (and to be honest, no-one could blame you for that) then why don’t you enter a competition where you can win stuff without having to pay for it?
As the headline tells you already, you can win a copy of Get Him To The Greek: The Extended Party Edition which stars the recently married Russell Brand showing off his weird gum-shield teeth off.
The DVD and Blu-ray comes out on November 1st and is an extended edition which means that you get a whole bunch of extras that you didn’t ask for and that were probably too filthy to be shown in cinemas… that's because cinemas are massive wimps.
