Posts tagged as:

Will Smith

Jada Pinkett Smith To Be The New Karate Kid Or Something

by Shawn Lindseth

Years ago, when the brains behind the Karate Kid movies decided it’d be a fine idea to just replace Ralph Macchio with Hilary Swank and see what happens, well that was the moment our childhood ended.

Up until then our chief method for falling asleep at night was to lay there with our eyes closed and sweetly picture Daniel-san kicking Johnny in the teeth. After that we’d always picture him arm-whipping the bad guy from Okinawa to death, and after that we always pictured him literally biting the head off of whoever was the bad guy in Karate Kid III.

That’s not actually how the third one ended, likely due to faulty scriptwriting.

But if you thought it was bad when swank donned Mr. Miagi’s karate school patch, well it’s about to get worse. Will Smith’s kid – whatever his name is – is all set to star in a Karate Kid remake. We don’t know, maybe we’ll try falling asleep to the mental imagery of that little kid beating people up… but that seems like a pretty slippery slope if you catch our meaning.

Years ago, when the brains behind the Karate Kid movies decided it'd be a fine idea to just replace Ralph Macchio with Hilary Swank and see what happens, well that was the moment our childhood ended. Up until then our chief method for falling asleep at night was to lay there with our eyes closed and sweetly picture Daniel-san kicking Johnny in the teeth. After that we'd always picture him arm-whipping the bad guy from Okinawa to death, and after that we always pictured him literally biting the head off of whoever was the bad guy in Karate Kid III. That's not actually how the third one ended, likely due to faulty scriptwriting. But if you thought it was bad when swank donned Mr. Miagi's karate school patch, well it's about to get worse. Will Smith's kid - whatever his name is - is all set to star in a Karate Kid remake. We don't know, maybe we'll try falling asleep to the mental imagery of that little kid beating people up... but that seems like a pretty slippery slope if you catch our meaning.
1 comment Read more >>>

Spielberg & Will Smith Set To Make Old Boy Much Rubbisher

by Stuart Heritage

If you’ve ever wanted to see Will Smith cut out his tongue for doing something unspeakable to a member of his own family, it’s your lucky day.

And that’s because, as part of Hollywood’s ongoing quest to take every movie that you’ve ever enjoyed and smear a big layer of stupid right across it, it’s thought that Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are all set to team up on a remake of the Korean revenge drama Old Boy.

Nobody knows for sure why Steven Spielberg and Will Smith want to take something as stylish and critically acclaimed as Old Boy and ruin it with a needless remake, but the word on the street is that it’s down to how many things rhyme with Old Boy – like ‘Mould Toy’, ‘Cold Ploy’ and ‘Bold Joy’. That way it’s much easier for Will Smith to rap about it when he comes to record the new Old Boy theme-tune, you see.

If you've ever wanted to see Will Smith cut out his tongue for doing something unspeakable to a member of his own family, it's your lucky day. And that's because, as part of Hollywood's ongoing quest to take every movie that you've ever enjoyed and smear a big layer of stupid right across it, it's thought that Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are all set to team up on a remake of the Korean revenge drama Old Boy. Nobody knows for sure why Steven Spielberg and Will Smith want to take something as stylish and critically acclaimed as Old Boy and ruin it with a needless remake, but the word on the street is that it's down to how many things rhyme with Old Boy - like 'Mould Toy', 'Cold Ploy' and 'Bold Joy'. That way it's much easier for Will Smith to rap about it when he comes to record the new Old Boy theme-tune, you see.
8 comments Read more >>>

Will Smith Fails For Once In His Life (At The ‘Not Earning A Lot Of Money’ Game)

by Ian Dransfield

You have to sympathise with Will Smith – the man has had a rough time recently, having to deal with a constant barrage of claims that he’s an evil Scientologist from the planet Zod, or wherever it is they come from. Yes, the Fresh Prince has taken most of his time in-between promoting Hancock defending [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Movie Review: Hancock

by hecklerspray staff

Big Willy unzips his flies and unleashes his Hancock onto the big screen. A long in production project of the former Fresh Prince is an enjoyable if not a bit uneven summer blockbuster.

Things start promisingly with Will bucking trend as the foul-mouthed, alcoholic, reluctant superhero Hancock. Jumping straight into an action sequence, the opening is a funny, action-packed start of what seems to be an original take on the currently strong superhero genre.

Although it is obviously naive to think that the million dollar man Smith would star in a film as a character with few redeeming features, so the obvious turn around comes with the help of PR guru Ray who, after being saved by Hancock, insists on helping him turn his image around into a loveable crime fighter. Although the path is never smooth, Hancock’s attitude turns out not to be the only problem as Mary (Charlize Theron) puts a spanner in the works.

Big Willy unzips his flies and unleashes his Hancock onto the big screen. A long in production project of the former Fresh Prince is an enjoyable if not a bit uneven summer blockbuster. Things start promisingly with Will bucking trend as the foul-mouthed, alcoholic, reluctant superhero Hancock. Jumping straight into an action sequence, the opening is a funny, action-packed start of what seems to be an original take on the currently strong superhero genre. Although it is obviously naive to think that the million dollar man Smith would star in a film as a character with few redeeming features, so the obvious turn around comes with the help of PR guru Ray who, after being saved by Hancock, insists on helping him turn his image around into a loveable crime fighter. Although the path is never smooth, Hancock's attitude turns out not to be the only problem as Mary (Charlize Theron) puts a spanner in the works.
3 comments Read more >>>

Hancock Pushes Weekend Box Office’s Head Up A Man’s Bum

by Stuart Heritage

Will Smith just can’t do anything wrong, can he? People always see his movies, even when they’re critically-mauled, about boozed-up supermen and have silly endings.

Exhibit A: Hancock is number one in the US weekend box office. And, considering that Hancock’s a movie which contains a scene about one man physically pushing another man’s head into a third man’s rectum, that’s actually quite impressive.

Hancock’s weekend box office success just furthers his incredible run of movies that are wildly popular despite not being especially great – I Am Legend, The Pursuit Of Happyness, Hitch, I, Robot, Men in Black II, Bad Boys II. A couple more of these babies under his belt and he might even beat the record currently held by Adam Sandler.

0 comments Read more >>>

Will Smith’s School Not Scientologist, Despite Everyone Saying So

by Stuart Heritage

Will Smith has reached the pinnacle of his career – acting exclusively in films where he gets to save the world – and now he wants more.

Which is why he’s decided to open a brand new private school to give the youth of today the best shot at a high quality education. Will Smith’s New Village Academy is set to open in September. And it definitely isn’t a Scientologist school, OK?

True, some of the teachers at Will Smith’s new school might just happen to be Scientologists, but that hasn’t got anything to do with anything. And, yes, the school’s curriculum will be based on Scientologist instructional models developed by L Ron Hubbard himself, but that doesn’t make it a Scientologist school either. The giant golden rotating statue of Xenu in the playground makes it a Scientologist school.

11 comments Read more >>>

Tom Cruise’s Son Stars As Will Smith In Some Movie Or Other

by Stuart Heritage

Tom Cruise and Will Smith are so tight that when Will Smith wanted someone to play a younger version of himself in a movie, Tom Cruise knew just the person.

And that person is Connor Cruise, Tom Cruise’s very own son. According to reports, Connor Cruise is all set to play baby Will Smith in the upcoming drama Seven Pounds which, since it stars Will Smith, is probably about an overfamiliar man with a slightly too loud laugh saving the world with his top off somehow.

Hopefully this is just Connor Cruise’s first step in taking on the family business. If his role in Seven Pounds is a success then who know, in a few years Connor Cruise might become the biggest, most powerful movie star in the world, only to fart it away by loudly vocalising his devotion to a nutty religion that some people claim preys on the weak. It’s what his daddy would want.

Tom Cruise and Will Smith are so tight that when Will Smith wanted someone to play a younger version of himself in a movie, Tom Cruise knew just the person. And that person is Connor Cruise, Tom Cruise's very own son. According to reports, Connor Cruise is all set to play baby Will Smith in the upcoming drama Seven Pounds which, since it stars Will Smith, is probably about an overfamiliar man with a slightly too loud laugh saving the world with his top off somehow. Hopefully this is just Connor Cruise's first step in taking on the family business. If his role in Seven Pounds is a success then who know, in a few years Connor Cruise might become the biggest, most powerful movie star in the world, only to fart it away by loudly vocalising his devotion to a nutty religion that some people claim preys on the weak. It's what his daddy would want.
1 comment Read more >>>

Will Smith Not No Scientology-Loving Scientologist

by Shawn Lindseth

Hecklerspray was raised in a very stern Jewish home for three months as a child. But then our mother got dumped by her Hasidic rabbi boyfriend and we found ourself at our Uncle’s house, where apparently the only thing even faintly religious was Sunday morning Baywatch reruns. That was fine until we’d seen them all. Twice.

Then our mother started dating a midget that swore up and down he was the lower half of L. Ron Hubbard, and that the Scientology founder had never been anything more than he and his twin brother strolling around stacked under a trench coat twice their size. He radiated alien germs off us at a thirty percent discount, which we thought was really pretty good of him. Thanks for that, Almonzo.

That experience really helps us relate to Will Smith’s current dilemma. He’s not a Scientologist, but he loves them dearly, the way we love L Ron Hubbard’s bottom half dearly.

Hang on while we find a way to reword that last bit

Hecklerspray was raised in a very stern Jewish home for three months as a child. But then our mother got dumped by her Hasidic rabbi boyfriend and we found ourself at our Uncle's house, where apparently the only thing even faintly religious was Sunday morning Baywatch reruns. That was fine until we'd seen them all. Twice. Then our mother started dating a midget that swore up and down he was the lower half of L. Ron Hubbard, and that the Scientology founder had never been anything more than he and his twin brother strolling around stacked under a trench coat twice their size. He radiated alien germs off us at a thirty percent discount, which we thought was really pretty good of him. Thanks for that, Almonzo. That experience really helps us relate to Will Smith's current dilemma. He's not a Scientologist, but he loves them dearly, the way we love L Ron Hubbard's bottom half dearly. Hang on while we find a way to reword that last bit
8 comments Read more >>>

Will Smith Doesn’t Love Adolf Hitler, Actually

by Stuart Heritage

Despite what you probably think, Will Smith isn’t a Nazi. And he certainly doesn’t have an Adolf Hitler poster on his bedroom wall that he strokes before he goes to sleep.

That’s a stone cold fact. Will Smith legally doesn’t have an embarrassing schoolboy infatuation with Adolf Hitler, and if you say he does he’ll sue you. And win.

Will Smith has won damages after a news agency ran an article called Smith: Hitler Was A Good Person last year. Great news – by suing, Will Smith has not only fixed a weird misapprehension about his beliefs, but he’s also effectively ruled out the rumoured Will Smith Adolf Hitler biopic. Thank god – we’re pretty sure the world can live without a rap-lite movie theme-tune containing the phrase ‘Indomitable Fuhrer’ repeated several times in the chorus.

8 comments Read more >>>

Has Scientology Got Will Smith By The Nutsack?

by Stuart Heritage

Will Smith has been spending lots of time around Tom Cruise lately, and the only people who tend to do that willingly are Scientologists and fans of Days Of Thunder.

Since none of the latter actually exist, can we take this to mean that Will Smith is now in with the Scientology crowd? It would certainly seem that way, thanks to reports that Will Smith’s wrap gifts to the crew of his new movie Hancock consisted of free passes for Scientology personality tests.

If it’s true, great – that makes Will Smith the new John Travolta, and we await his Look Who’s Talking Now with baited breath.

3 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →