Articles tagged with: Wife
One of the biggest impediments to being a froth-faced sex addict is probably marriage - so congratulations are due to David Duchovny today. Why? Because it's been announced that sex addict David Duchovny and his wife Tea Leoni have separated, and have been separated for months. Phew! Now, when David Duchovny has you pushed into a corner with a hand down his knickers and a tongue that he's trying to ram all the way inside your ear, you won't have to think "Wait a minute, aren't you married to the woman from Jurassic Park 3? What will she make of all this?" This separation is obviously the best thing for all involved - David Duchovny gets to lead the free and easy single life that he craves, Tea Leoni won't have to worry that her husband has strayed and their children will no longer fear stumbling across their father masturbating frantically to a coffee stain shaped a bit like a bra. Everyone's a winner.
Usher is good at two things - dancing like a man being attacked by a swarm of invisible jellyfish and getting women pregnant. OK, maybe not 'women' as such. Usher is good at getting one woman pregnant - his wife, Tameka Foster. Just nine months after the birth of their first child, it's announced that Tameka's only gone and got another baby on the go. That's impressive work, especially when you account for the fact that most couples don't even reveal their pregnancy until the second trimester. That means Usher managed to knock his wife up less than six months after she had the first baby. That's either incredible or a bit gruesome, depending on how hung up you are with the idea of tearing and stitches and whatnot. We are, by the way, which probably accounts for the nausea. Either that or Usher has somehow got us pregnant simply by us writing about it. We wouldn't put it past him.
Fact - when a man admits to a sex addiction, it's because his wife caught him half a foot up another woman and he's trying to appease her. Unless, it appears, you're David Duchovny. Although he's currently being treated for sex addiction in what we expect to be the stickiest, smelliest rehab facility in the world, a friend of David Duchovny has come forward to point out that at no point did David ever cheat on his wife with another woman. That means, scientifically, that either David Duchovny did a bunch of rude things with vegetables or... or... Or David Duchovny is addicted to having sex with his own wife. The bloody pervert. Castration's too good for him. David Duchovny, you're a big fat embarrassment to mankind.
Morgan Freeman has been struck by the evil curse of The Dark Knight yet again. So we may have been a little sceptical about the whole 'curse' thing ever since the term started getting bandied around, but on this evidence it's hard not to think that maybe, just maybe there are nefarious forces at work. Just days after having a serious car accident, Morgan Freeman and his wife of 24 years are to get a divorce. According to a friend of Freeman, the divorce had been in the works for a while before the accident even occurred - so don't go accusing Morgan of having a relationship with Demaris Meyer, the passenger in his car during the accident, that was anything beyond platonic friendship. We thought about it - purely for comedy effect, of course - but libel is too big a word.
Marriages come to an end for all sorts of reasons, but one of the biggest is suspecting that your husband's been brainwashed into having sex with a gap-toothed 50-year-old.
And that appears to be the thing that's brought an end to the marriage between Alex Rodriguez and his wife Cynthia. She's just filed for divorce from Alex following claims that he's been involved in a bunch of secret extramarital Kabbalah nooky sessions with Madonna.
Madonna denies any romantic involvement with Alex Rodriguez, but it seems like Cynthia isn't taking the bait. She'll win her man back, that's for sure - she just needs to become the sort of woman that A-Rod likes these days first. Just watch him come running back once she's botoxed her face into total paralysis and had several metres of grotesque artificial vein surgically implanted under the skin of her arms!
Brace yourselves, this is complicated - remember how baseball star Alex Rodriguez might be having an affair with Madonna, who might be divorcing Guy Ritchie?
Well, get ready for another layer of confusion, because now Alex Rodriguez's wife Cynthia might have run off with Lenny Kravitz. The same Lenny Kravitz who used to be romantically linked to Madonna. However, as confusing and soap opera-y as all of this sounds, it might just all have a happy ending.
After all, Madonna is happy because she might be having sex with Alex Rodriguez, Alex Rodriguez is happy because he might be having sex with Madonna and Alex Rodriguez's wife is happy because she might be having sex with Lenny Kravitz. Everyone's happy. Except for Guy Ritchie, obviously, but it'll be a sad sad day when people start caring about his feelings.
It must be great to be married to a comedic actor.
You would always be rolling on the floor with laughter and your text messages would be constantly filled with zany LOLs and your knee would have a constant bruise from all that knee-slapping hilarity.
That is unless you’re Bill Murray’s wife, in which case you’d be rolling on the floor after being clocked by your drunk, drugged up husband and you’d have non-hilarity induced bruises. Or at least, those are some of the things Bill Murray’s wife is saying led to her filing for divorce from Bill Murray just now.
Now what do we learn here, ladies? We learn that marrying a man for his stunning good-looks does not make for a lasting relationship.
Remember a few weeks ago when we told you that early-nineties hasbeen rapper Vanilla Ice was arrested for hitting his wife? Well, we forgot to tell you one very important thing - the 911 call that his wife made was mental. Seriously. And we're only using the word mental here because no words exist that can accurately describe how flat-out weird the call is. From what we can work out, Vanilla Ice hit his wife because she bought a bed for herself and then, Vanilla Ice starts threatening to kill himself with a motorbike. But, hey, you can hear that for yourself after the jump.
