Skin’s nice, isn’t it? The biggest organ of all the other organs in your body, according to the internet (though our liver is probably jostling for that accolade), and really good for when you want to stop your other, smaller, organs from falling out and making a mess on the carpet.

Its also pretty good for making a special outfit to wear to old Buffalo Bill’s Valentine’s Day party.

People always say you need to look after your skin, which we do by maintaining a full, thick layer of Vaseline at all times. Beyonce has been looking after her skin, though, by making it white! Seriously. Step away from the Tippex, B, people are starting to think you might be a bit of a racist.

That’s right, in a bid to make all black girls everywhere feel inferior, Beyonce has been whitewashed yet again.

A new picture has been released to promote her actually-really-boring album 4, with tantalising side-boob action and stockings, if that’s what gets you going.

She also looks pretty much completely white (and also like she might be holding in a fart, but that’s not the main issue here) which is, when you come to think about it, really quite racist.

Just like in 2008 when she was edited down to a light beige by L’Oreal.

These pallid publicity shots kind of suggest that, to sell to a wide (white) audience, Beyonce and her ‘people’ think she’s got to whiten up.

So, you know, a pat on the back to everyone, really. It’s the 21st century and we’re still apparently not willing to buy stuff advertised or made by black people.

Nice one, everyone, really. Well done.

This was an article written by Becca Day-Preston who, in all seriously, will probably kick your teeth inward if you try messing with her. Okay?

THE BIG DOG IS IN THE HOUSE! 6 words that, when you hear them on the radio, let you know that it’s time to change the station, because the whitest man in history, Tim Westwood, is about to start broadcasting.

It’s fairly safe to say we all hate Westwood, after all what is there to love about a man who looks like a geography teacher painfully trying to hard to appear ‘street’ to keep his pupils interested?

But none of us seem to hate Westwood quite as much as Mark Bulcock.

Mr. Bulcock is currently in court for sending a series of threatening texts to the 53 year old DJ. A man Bulcock claims he, “admires.”

We can’t really blame Bulcock for sending abusive texts to Westwood, if any of us were forced to listen to a man over half a century old telling us how ‘fly’ that latest ‘snoop joint’ was then we’d probably just start sending torrents of abuse to him too.

However, this isn’t exactly the worst thing Westwood has had to put up with in his life. There was the time he got shot and the time he had to host Pimp My Ride UK, both of which were equally painful. Admittedly though, the latter was only painful to everyone else besides Westwood.

Whilst the Big Dog continues to occupy the house it doesn’t appear as if he’ll be dominating the court (the actual court, not the basketball court) with his mad lyrical skillz anytime soon. However, Bulcock will be back in the courthouse next month to be sentenced.

With Bulcock safely under lock and key we can all rest assured that Tim Westwood will live to offend our ears another day.

It’d be nice if, just once, the big dog would actually just stay in the house.

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Just as we predicted yesterday, the jury for OJ Simpson’s armed robbery and kidnap trial has now been picked – but there’s one tiny problem.

They’re all white. Every single one of them. Now don’t get us wrong, it almost wasn’t an entirely white jury. It’s just that one prospective black juror was quite religious and therefore capable of forgiveness so she had to go. We’re not making this up, you know.

So, here’s how OJ Simpson stands before his trial properly starts on Monday. He’s being tried for the first time since he was acquitted of two murders he’s widely believed to have committed, for a crime with several witnesses that he was actually recorded participating in, and the only thing stopping him from spending the rest of his life in jail is a group of 12 white people who’ve been specifically chosen for their lack of forgiveness.

Yeah, we’re sure he’ll be fine.

Since he was acquitted of a double murder in 1995, OJ Simpson hasn’t exactly gone out of his way to endear himself to the public – apart from the time he tried to stab Ruby Wax in the chest with a banana, obviously. He’s not a total monster.

Anyway, since his last trial OJ Simpson has tried to keep a low-profile, only popping up occasionally to get banned from a steakhouse or write hypothetical murder books in the worst taste possible. But then OJ Simpson just had to go and get himself arrested on suspicion of armed robbery, didn’t he?

You know what happened by now – right up to the inflection in OJ Simpson’s voice during the last “You think you can steal my shit?” – and that’s the reason for all the jury-selecting that’s gone on in Las Vegas this week ahead of OJ Simpson’s trial.

OJ’s already up against it, thanks to the recording of his alleged armed robbery and the fact that all his hired goons have already pleaded guilty and will testify against him in court. But OJ Simpson likes a challenge, so let’s also make sure that the jury he faces are completely white and sort of mean-seeming just for the hell of it. AP reports:

An all-white jury will judge O.J. Simpson and a co-defendant on kidnapping and robbery charges after defense lawyers lost a contentious courtroom battle to include two African-American women on the panel… Both of the women who were removed had strong religious views, and the prosecutor said he thought one of them would be inclined to “forgive” Simpson while the other said she was hesitant to send anyone to prison.

Of course, back in 1995 OJ Simpson faced a jury that was chiefly black and he was acquitted, so now the fear is that – since the scientific opposite of black is white, and the scientific opposite of innocent is guilty – all the white people are going to find OJ Simpson guilty.

They probably won’t even be making notes on the testimonies, either – the only thing they jot down will be the word ‘guilty’ scrawled several times in a row and crude cartoons of OJ Simpson literally burning in hell while a lot of white people laugh and dance.

Alternatively, the jurors have been picked based on their open-mindedness and neutrality, two things which have never really been race-specific, and the notion that OJ Simpson will be found innocent or guilty depending on how many black faces happen to be present in the jury is completely offensive to just about everyone.

Oh who are we kidding? It’s the first one, isn’t it. Thought so.