And so the planet mourns the death of Michael Jackson. Singer, dancer, owner of monkey.

Expect to spend the next few long months being force fed compilations of his greatest moments, most of which will feature Thriller, Billie Jean, Man in The Mirror. His so-called greatest hits. Only, really, they’re not. Not by a million miles. We know that because we’ve listened to every single Michael Jackson record, at least one and a half times each, so we have a fairly advanced knowledge of his work.

So, ignore these “experts”, here are his real most wonderful moments…

1. Farewell My Summer Love

In a well-observed ode to trying to get off with someone, Michael sings about a girl who visited her nan, and ended up getting casually chatted up by Jackson in a local shop. The song catches the precise moment that the girl hurriedly leaves the grocery store, repeatedly looking over her shoulder, wondering what the strange boy by the lolly counter was attempting to propose in that spooky childlike voice.

2. Stranger In Moscow

Anyone who has ever visited Russia will know exactly what Jacko is on about here. Standing alone in the middle of a square in Moscow, being watched by the KGB, two and a half empty bottles of strong vodka turning you a bit paranoid. “How does it feel?” asks Michael, knowing full well that the answer is obvious. It feels weird, Michael. Really weird. And quite cold.

3. What More Can I Give?

If we had to chose one genre of music to take to a desert island, it would be CHARITY music. There’s just so much of it. Do They Know It’s Christmas, the one by McFly, and then this – Michael Jackson’s third best ever record. It features the sexy Hanson sisters, and it features the classic Jackson whispered chorus. He’s urging us to give quids to tramps.

4. Gone Too Soon

“Like a comet blazing across the evening sky, gone too soon,” sings Michael, obviously not aware of the sheer terror caused by the sight of a blazing comet hurtling through the sky. A more accurate use of the metaphor would be to say “like a comet blazing across the evening sky, you completely terrify me.” He proceeds to similarly lament the disappearance of rainbows and the sun.

5. Ben

A love song written for a mouse. Jackson celebrates that he will never be alone again, and that he and Ben have finally found one another. Both of them were looking for someone, and it’s all worked out really well. Except that Ben’s a mouse. A mouse. A mouse that probably doesn’t really know what’s going on, and perhaps wasn’t looking for friendship with a person. And yet, there he sits at the family table, politely making small talk with the rest of the Jacksons. “How long have you guys been dating?” growls Joe. Ben start sweating.

If you want more of this actual genius, you should head over to Josh Burt’s excellent website Interestment. You won’t be let down.

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Over the last few days, what with Celine Dion ploughing through 6.5 million gallons of water in a year and Sharon Stone blaming the Chinese earthquake on karma, we’ve thought a lot about how much celebrities care.

And they care a lot. Celebrities, because they are celebrities, feel suffering much more strongly than anyone else. And there’s only one outlet for this profound level of caring – the all-star charity song. We all know the big ones – like We Are The World and Do They Know It’s Christmas – but there are plenty of other less well-known ones out there as well.

Like What More Can I Give by Michael Jackson And Friends, a song written about South Africa, recorded after 9/11 and never properly released because its video was apparently shot by a director of gay porn. Anastacia, Nick Carter, Usher, Ricky Martin, ‘N Sync, Hanson – they all appear on What More Can I Give, though we’d expect none of them would want to discuss it if you asked them about it now.

Why? Try and watch What More Can I Give all the way to the end and you’ll see why. It’s hard, we know – you’ll suffer through more fist-pumping oversincerity than you can possibly imagine – but it’s absolutely worth it, just to see the bit where Usher and Celine Dion give heartfelt spoken-word messages. Not about 9/11, you understand. About Michael Jackson. Incredible.