Articles tagged with: weight
Yay! Oprah Winfrey’s Fat Again!
Oprah Winfrey's power is derived from the fact that, with enough speed behind her, she could dent a caravan quite critically. So when Oprah Winfrey slimmed down, it hurt her power. "No I won't read your book recommendations," America told Oprah in unison, "because how will you punish me? By sitting on my chest? Pah! You won't even shatter one of my ribs if you do that!" Oprah was doomed. But fear no more, because Oprah has revealed that she's fat again! She weighs 200lbs! It just goes to show that money can't buy you power, but it can buy you lots of sausage rolls.
Oprah Winfrey's power is derived from the fact that, with enough speed behind her, she could dent a caravan quite critically. So when Oprah Winfrey slimmed down, it hurt her power. "No I won't read your book recommendations," America told Oprah in unison, "because how will you punish me? By sitting on my chest? Pah! You won't even shatter one of my ribs if you do that!" Oprah was doomed. But fear no more, because Oprah has revealed that she's fat again! She weighs 200lbs! It just goes to show that money can't buy you power, but it can buy you lots of sausage rolls.
Jennifer Love Hewitt Loses Weight: Integrity Follows Suit
Jennifer Love Hewitt was a blubbering wreck, on the verge of destroying her career by not weighing next-to-nothing. Fortunately, the girl saw sense and has shed that disgusting weight that was - both figuratively and literally - holding her down. Yes, friends, Jennifer Love Hewitt has gone and lost 18 pounds, after those photos appeared of her last year when she looked normal. Obviously when we say 'normal' it's meant by our standards - if we were judging by the usual Hollywood standards then you could take it to mean 'foul, disgusting and haggish, really fat and unworthy of ever working on anything - film, TV or even radio - ever again'. Because apparently that's what we consider 'normal' is to these people.
Jennifer Love Hewitt was a blubbering wreck, on the verge of destroying her career by not weighing next-to-nothing. Fortunately, the girl saw sense and has shed that disgusting weight that was - both figuratively and literally - holding her down. Yes, friends, Jennifer Love Hewitt has gone and lost 18 pounds, after those photos appeared of her last year when she looked normal. Obviously when we say 'normal' it's meant by our standards - if we were judging by the usual Hollywood standards then you could take it to mean 'foul, disgusting and haggish, really fat and unworthy of ever working on anything - film, TV or even radio - ever again'. Because apparently that's what we consider 'normal' is to these people.
Jack Black: Brace Yourself World, I’m Planning To Get Naked
From DIETPIXIE - Someone please give Jack Black a cheeseburger. Why? Well, for starters, shoving it in his big, fat chops might shut him up. Secondly, it could be the only way we can stop him from doing nude scenes. That's right - nude scenes!! 'Nude scenes' and 'Jack Black' - if ever there was four words that should not ...
From DIETPIXIE - Someone please give Jack Black a cheeseburger. Why? Well, for starters, shoving it in his big, fat chops might shut him up. Secondly, it could be the only way we can stop him from doing nude scenes. That's right - nude scenes!! 'Nude scenes' and 'Jack Black' - if ever there was four words that should not ...
Fern Britton: A Big Fat Not Especially Fat Liar
As the host of a daytime TV show and something called Soapstar Superstar, Fern Britton's integrity is as beyond reproach as most high-level politicians and the clergy. Sadly, though, that theory has been shot to pieces by the recent revelation that Fern Britton's drastic sudden weight-loss wasn't because she started eating healthily or riding her bike around like she told everyone, but because she's had a dirty great gastric band fitted down her gut-hole. Obviously by misleading the public like this Fern Britton has risked the future of her £700,000 a year job hosting This Morning, and we're sure she's acutely feeling the pressure of that right now. And you know what's good for stress? Cake. Lots of cake. And sausages. Cake and sausages. And fried eggs. And 18lb cheese wheels. Go get 'em, Fern. They'll always be your friends.
As the host of a daytime TV show and something called Soapstar Superstar, Fern Britton's integrity is as beyond reproach as most high-level politicians and the clergy. Sadly, though, that theory has been shot to pieces by the recent revelation that Fern Britton's drastic sudden weight-loss wasn't because she started eating healthily or riding her bike around like she told everyone, but because she's had a dirty great gastric band fitted down her gut-hole. Obviously by misleading the public like this Fern Britton has risked the future of her £700,000 a year job hosting This Morning, and we're sure she's acutely feeling the pressure of that right now. And you know what's good for stress? Cake. Lots of cake. And sausages. Cake and sausages. And fried eggs. And 18lb cheese wheels. Go get 'em, Fern. They'll always be your friends.
Eminem Gets Pneumonia & Goes To Hospital
It's been a long time since we heard from Eminem, but in the meantime it looks like he's been keeping busy by eating cake and walking around in wet clothes.
It's been reported, you see, that Eminem went to hospital over the Christmas period because of a serious heart condition and complications from pneumonia, with sources adding that he's increased in weight to over 200 lb. Of course, this illness and massive weight-gain means that Eminem can't be called Slim Shady any more, and so he's thought to be deciding on a new name, with either Fatt Poorly or Pensioner'z Illnezz being current front-runners.
