Posts tagged as:

Weekend Box Office

Friday The 13th Tops Weekend Box Office In A Stupid Mask

by Stuart Heritage

Friday the 13th is usually considered to be a cursed day thanks to superstition, but Friday the 13th 2009 really was genuinely cursed.

No, honestly it was. This is because a) during Friday the 13th 2009, we got turned away from a restaurant because we hadn’t made a reservation, and b) a godawful movie remake of Friday The 13th came out. Cursed, we tell you.

Worse, the Friday The 13th remake has managed to top the US weekend box office chart. So in about 2018 the godawful remake of Friday The 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan will top the weekend box office too. Joy.

3 comments Read more >>>

He’s Just Not That Into You Gives Weekend Box Office Its Number

by Stuart Heritage

Logic dictates that being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore is worse than hell.

But He’s Just Not That Into You is even worse, because whoever watches that is effectively being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore AND Justin Long AND the crap one from Entourage AND a story so nauseatingly that you’ll want to go and kick some puppies to balance things out.

Weirdly, though, He’s Just Not That Into You is the number one movie at the US weekend box office this week. People confuse us.

0 comments Read more >>>

Taken Shoots The Weekend Box Office’s Wife In The Chest

by Stuart Heritage

Do you find yourself frequently becoming depressed because 24 isn’t as torture-y as it once was?

0 comments Read more >>>

Paul Blart: Mall Cop Still Weekend Box Office Topper, Confusingly

by Stuart Heritage

The week of the Oscar nominations usually sees a huge box office boost for the nominated films, and that’s true this week.

Because Paul Blart: Mall Cop is still the weekend box office number one, reflecting its position as the movie with the most amount of Oscar nominations in histo… oh, hang on.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop didn’t get any Oscar nominations, did it? And yet it’s still way above every single nominated movie in the US weekend box office. Something tells us we’re going to see a poignant three-hour opus about Brad Pitt on a Segway next year.

0 comments Read more >>>

Weekend Box Office: Blart! BLAART!

by Stuart Heritage

We should probably point out now that we haven’t seen the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop yet. But if “Blart! BLAART!” isn’t a catchphrase in it, we’ll be mighty ticked off.

That’s right, despite its woeful critical reception, Paul Blart: Mall Cop is the number one movie at this week’s weekend box office. Incidentally, Slumdog Millionaire – the movie that did so gloriously at last week’s Golden Globes – only managed to scrape to 10th place.

So the message is perfectly clear – the feelgood movie of the year is literally a tenth as good as a film about a fat bloke falling off a Segway. We’re thrilled.

0 comments Read more >>>

Gran Torino Gets Off The Weekend Box Office’s Lawn

by Stuart Heritage

There are two types of Clint Eastwood-directed movie – the unpopular ones that everybody hates and the unpopular ones that win Oscars.

But now we can add a third type of Clint Eastwood-directed movie to the list – the popular ones. Because Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood’s newest movie, hasn’t just claimed the number one slot at the weekend box office, but it’s the biggest-opening movie of his career.

Perhaps Gran Tornio’s weekend box office success will allow Clint Eastwood to direct more popular fare. We hope so, because then he could helm Marley & Me 2: Did He Do Six Craps On The Carpet Or Only Five?

1 comment Read more >>>

Marley & Me Still Wagging Weekend Box Office’s Tail

by Stuart Heritage

Dear Hollywood, if you want to make more money than you know what to do with, why not make a stupid film about a funny dog?

It works. Beverly Hills Chihuahua was one of the surprise hits of 2008, Hotel For Dogs looks set to do the same and literally nobody would have watched The Dark Knight if it weren’t for the cute little doggy-wogs who chased Batman around at the end.

Plus, just look at Marley & Me. Marley & Me is enjoying its second week at the top of the US weekend box office. Even though it looks dumb enough to give you an aneurysm.

0 comments Read more >>>

Yes Man’s Weekend Box Office Success Attributed To Festive Drunkenness

by Stuart Heritage

Actually, that headline hasn’t been proved – Yes Man could have topped the weekend box office for any reason – but we’re just being logical.

Actually, come to think of it again, we do know why Yes Man topped the weekend box office – nostalgia. A movie where Jim Carrey isn’t blatantly gunning for an Oscar or playing a cackheaded number-obsessed maniac is a throwback to his golden age.

That means the weekend box office success of Yes Man sends a clear message to Jim Carrey – that message is ‘Dance, monkey-boy, dance! Pull a funny face! Ha ha, look at stupid monkey-boy Jim Carrey’s funny face!’

1 comment Read more >>>

The Day The Earth Stood Still Eye-Lasers Weekend Box Office

by Stuart Heritage

This weekend, three movies that are hotly expected to win Oscars were released – so which one topped the weekend box office?

2 comments Read more >>>

Four Christmases Inexplicably Tops Weekend Box Office Again

by Stuart Heritage

People must like indentikit Vince Vaughn movies more than we thought – Four Christmases is still top of the weekend box office.

It just goes to show – at this time of year, moviegoers like nothing more than to snuggle down and enjoy lighthearted festive japes starring two of America’s most recognisable comic stars. That’s why Four Christmases has topped the US weekend box office for the second week running.

Well, it’s either that or because the most high-profile movie released on Friday was Punisher: War Zone, a film that looks as if it’s almost aggressively bumhole. Either one’s fine.

0 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →