Articles tagged with: Weekend Box Office
Weekend Box Office: Tyler Perry Beats Off The Jonas Brothers
The Jonas Brothers are a genuine sensation - in all seriousness, they might just be the biggest act on Earth. And the Jonas Brothers had a film out on Friday. So what's the number one movie at the weekend box office this week? You guessed it - it's Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. Poor old the Jonas Brothers - they weren't really supposed to be beaten by a man dressed as a fat old lady for another decade until their success waned and they developed drug habits that opened them up to a world of mind-bending transsexual S&M. Those lucky Jonas Brothers.
The Jonas Brothers are a genuine sensation - in all seriousness, they might just be the biggest act on Earth. And the Jonas Brothers had a film out on Friday. So what's the number one movie at the weekend box office this week? You guessed it - it's Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. Poor old the Jonas Brothers - they weren't really supposed to be beaten by a man dressed as a fat old lady for another decade until their success waned and they developed drug habits that opened them up to a world of mind-bending transsexual S&M. Those lucky Jonas Brothers.
Madea Goes To Jail Shivs The Weekend Box Office
They say that Oscar weekend is the perfect time to sneak out obviously terrible movies, but that can’t be true. Because Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail is the new weekend box office number and that absolutely isn’t an obviously terri... no, hang on. Madea Goes To Jail is a prison film about a man in a female fat suit, isn’t it? OK, we take it back. So Madea Goes To Jail won’t win any Oscars, but at least it’s the best ever movie about a black man in a female fat suit. Or the fifth best. Oh, forget it.
They say that Oscar weekend is the perfect time to sneak out obviously terrible movies, but that can’t be true. Because Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail is the new weekend box office number and that absolutely isn’t an obviously terri... no, hang on. Madea Goes To Jail is a prison film about a man in a female fat suit, isn’t it? OK, we take it back. So Madea Goes To Jail won’t win any Oscars, but at least it’s the best ever movie about a black man in a female fat suit. Or the fifth best. Oh, forget it.
Friday The 13th Tops Weekend Box Office In A Stupid Mask
Friday the 13th is usually considered to be a cursed day thanks to superstition, but Friday the 13th 2009 really was genuinely cursed. No, honestly it was. This is because a) during Friday the 13th 2009, we got turned away from a restaurant because we hadn't made a reservation, and b) a godawful movie remake of Friday The 13th came out. Cursed, we tell you. Worse, the Friday The 13th remake has managed to top the US weekend box office chart. So in about 2018 the godawful remake of Friday The 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan will top the weekend box office too. Joy.
Friday the 13th is usually considered to be a cursed day thanks to superstition, but Friday the 13th 2009 really was genuinely cursed. No, honestly it was. This is because a) during Friday the 13th 2009, we got turned away from a restaurant because we hadn't made a reservation, and b) a godawful movie remake of Friday The 13th came out. Cursed, we tell you. Worse, the Friday The 13th remake has managed to top the US weekend box office chart. So in about 2018 the godawful remake of Friday The 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan will top the weekend box office too. Joy.
He’s Just Not That Into You Gives Weekend Box Office Its Number
Logic dictates that being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore is worse than hell. But He's Just Not That Into You is even worse, because whoever watches that is effectively being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore AND Justin Long AND the crap one from Entourage AND a story so nauseatingly that you'll want to go and kick some puppies to balance things out. Weirdly, though, He's Just Not That Into You is the number one movie at the US weekend box office this week. People confuse us.
Logic dictates that being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore is worse than hell. But He's Just Not That Into You is even worse, because whoever watches that is effectively being shut in a room with Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore AND Justin Long AND the crap one from Entourage AND a story so nauseatingly that you'll want to go and kick some puppies to balance things out. Weirdly, though, He's Just Not That Into You is the number one movie at the US weekend box office this week. People confuse us.
Taken Shoots The Weekend Box Office’s Wife In The Chest
Do you find yourself frequently becoming depressed because 24 isn’t as torture-y as it once was? And do you also find yourself getting annoyed because Jack Bauer is a human man and not a mystical lion who acts as a badly-concealed Jesus metaphor ? You do? Well you’re not the only one, because Taken is this week’s number one movie at the weekend box office. And Taken is exactly that - it’s a brutally violent thriller containing several scenes of graphic torture starring Aslan from the Narnia films. What more could you possibly ask for?
Do you find yourself frequently becoming depressed because 24 isn’t as torture-y as it once was? And do you also find yourself getting annoyed because Jack Bauer is a human man and not a mystical lion who acts as a badly-concealed Jesus metaphor ? You do? Well you’re not the only one, because Taken is this week’s number one movie at the weekend box office. And Taken is exactly that - it’s a brutally violent thriller containing several scenes of graphic torture starring Aslan from the Narnia films. What more could you possibly ask for?
Paul Blart: Mall Cop Still Weekend Box Office Topper, Confusingly
The week of the Oscar nominations usually sees a huge box office boost for the nominated films, and that’s true this week. Because Paul Blart: Mall Cop is still the weekend box office number one, reflecting its position as the movie with the most amount of Oscar nominations in histo... oh, hang on. Paul Blart: Mall Cop didn’t get any Oscar nominations, did it? And yet it’s still way above every single nominated movie in the US weekend box office. Something tells us we’re going to see a poignant three-hour opus about Brad Pitt on a Segway next year.
The week of the Oscar nominations usually sees a huge box office boost for the nominated films, and that’s true this week. Because Paul Blart: Mall Cop is still the weekend box office number one, reflecting its position as the movie with the most amount of Oscar nominations in histo... oh, hang on. Paul Blart: Mall Cop didn’t get any Oscar nominations, did it? And yet it’s still way above every single nominated movie in the US weekend box office. Something tells us we’re going to see a poignant three-hour opus about Brad Pitt on a Segway next year.
Weekend Box Office: Blart! BLAART!
We should probably point out now that we haven't seen the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop yet. But if "Blart! BLAART!" isn't a catchphrase in it, we'll be mighty ticked off. That's right, despite its woeful critical reception, Paul Blart: Mall Cop is the number one movie at this week's weekend box office. Incidentally, Slumdog Millionaire - the movie that did so gloriously at last week's Golden Globes - only managed to scrape to 10th place. So the message is perfectly clear - the feelgood movie of the year is literally a tenth as good as a film about a fat bloke falling off a Segway. We're thrilled.
We should probably point out now that we haven't seen the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop yet. But if "Blart! BLAART!" isn't a catchphrase in it, we'll be mighty ticked off. That's right, despite its woeful critical reception, Paul Blart: Mall Cop is the number one movie at this week's weekend box office. Incidentally, Slumdog Millionaire - the movie that did so gloriously at last week's Golden Globes - only managed to scrape to 10th place. So the message is perfectly clear - the feelgood movie of the year is literally a tenth as good as a film about a fat bloke falling off a Segway. We're thrilled.
Gran Torino Gets Off The Weekend Box Office’s Lawn
There are two types of Clint Eastwood-directed movie - the unpopular ones that everybody hates and the unpopular ones that win Oscars. But now we can add a third type of Clint Eastwood-directed movie to the list - the popular ones. Because Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood's newest movie, hasn't just claimed the number one slot at the weekend box office, but it's the biggest-opening movie of his career. Perhaps Gran Tornio's weekend box office success will allow Clint Eastwood to direct more popular fare. We hope so, because then he could helm Marley & Me 2: Did He Do Six Craps On The Carpet Or Only Five?
There are two types of Clint Eastwood-directed movie - the unpopular ones that everybody hates and the unpopular ones that win Oscars. But now we can add a third type of Clint Eastwood-directed movie to the list - the popular ones. Because Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood's newest movie, hasn't just claimed the number one slot at the weekend box office, but it's the biggest-opening movie of his career. Perhaps Gran Tornio's weekend box office success will allow Clint Eastwood to direct more popular fare. We hope so, because then he could helm Marley & Me 2: Did He Do Six Craps On The Carpet Or Only Five?
