Articles tagged with: Weekend Box Office
Star Trek Klings On To Weekend Box Office Top Spot
Do you want the good news or the bad news? OK, the good news. Star Trek is the first Star Trek movie in ages that’s any good. The bad news? The bad news is that, because Star Trek is the new number one movie at the weekend box office, Simon Pegg is doomed to spend the rest of his life answering impenetrable questions from stinking spods while harbouring a festering resentment towards Chris Pine’s growing messiah complex. But still, Star Trek is the new weekend box office movie and that’s good. They’ll get to shout “KHAAAAAN!” in the next one.
Do you want the good news or the bad news? OK, the good news. Star Trek is the first Star Trek movie in ages that’s any good. The bad news? The bad news is that, because Star Trek is the new number one movie at the weekend box office, Simon Pegg is doomed to spend the rest of his life answering impenetrable questions from stinking spods while harbouring a festering resentment towards Chris Pine’s growing messiah complex. But still, Star Trek is the new weekend box office movie and that’s good. They’ll get to shout “KHAAAAAN!” in the next one.
Obsessed Attracts The Weekend Box Office, Fatally
Fatal Attraction was OK, but the wife never had a music video where she danced like she was trying to shake a leech off her bum. But that’s fine. That particular problem has been rectified thanks to Obsessed, the new Beyonce movie that’s exactly the same as Fatal Attraction but stars Beyonce so you know it’ll end with the wife writing a furious pop song about how crap men are instead of murdering her husband’s mistress. Anyway, Obsessed is the new weekend box office number one, so do whatever you like with that information.
Fatal Attraction was OK, but the wife never had a music video where she danced like she was trying to shake a leech off her bum. But that’s fine. That particular problem has been rectified thanks to Obsessed, the new Beyonce movie that’s exactly the same as Fatal Attraction but stars Beyonce so you know it’ll end with the wife writing a furious pop song about how crap men are instead of murdering her husband’s mistress. Anyway, Obsessed is the new weekend box office number one, so do whatever you like with that information.
17 Again Tops The Weekend Box Office (Not Again)
17 Again really does look like the perfect family movie for anyone who has short-term memory loss and can't remember Big. Or Vice Versa. Or Freaky Friday. Or any film which shares a basic plot function with 17 Again. But it must be doing something right, because 17 Again is the top movie at the weekend box office. Zac Efron as the weekend box office number one, Miley Cyrus as number four. Way to make everyone feel old, Hollywood. Honestly, they may as well have renamed 17 Again as Your Time On Earth Is Finite And Soon All Will Be Dust, Ashes And Dust.
17 Again really does look like the perfect family movie for anyone who has short-term memory loss and can't remember Big. Or Vice Versa. Or Freaky Friday. Or any film which shares a basic plot function with 17 Again. But it must be doing something right, because 17 Again is the top movie at the weekend box office. Zac Efron as the weekend box office number one, Miley Cyrus as number four. Way to make everyone feel old, Hollywood. Honestly, they may as well have renamed 17 Again as Your Time On Earth Is Finite And Soon All Will Be Dust, Ashes And Dust.
Fast And Furious Tops Weekend Box Office Quickly And Angrily
People, try to remain calm. This is horrifying news and we don’t know how you’ll take it - Vin Diesel is famous again. We know, we know. It’s distressing, isn’t it? And it’s all the fault of Fast And Furious - the fourth film in a never-good franchise that’s inexplicably topped the weekend box office in borderline spectacular fashion. But it’s OK. Fast And Furious might be number one at the weekend box office, and Vin Diesel might be famous again, but at least Michelle Rodriguez still isn’t the biggest female star in America right now. What? She IS? We’re DOOMED!
People, try to remain calm. This is horrifying news and we don’t know how you’ll take it - Vin Diesel is famous again. We know, we know. It’s distressing, isn’t it? And it’s all the fault of Fast And Furious - the fourth film in a never-good franchise that’s inexplicably topped the weekend box office in borderline spectacular fashion. But it’s OK. Fast And Furious might be number one at the weekend box office, and Vin Diesel might be famous again, but at least Michelle Rodriguez still isn’t the biggest female star in America right now. What? She IS? We’re DOOMED!
Monsters Vs Aliens Tops Weekend Box Office, So Hooray For That
Sometimes the top weekend box office movie can be terribly disappointing, as is the case with Monsters Vs Aliens. Why’s it disappointing? Because we’re not entirely sure there’s anything to properly mock about it - it looks funny, it’s in 3D and it stars Stephen Colbert, Paul Rudd, Will Arnett, Kiefer Sutherland and Seth Rogen - just about the best approximation of a hecklerspray safe list ever created. Seriously, we’re stumped. And, frankly, we blame the American public. If only you’d been more eager to go and see dreary-looking films about spooky Connecticut, we wouldn’t be in this position. Damn you.
Sometimes the top weekend box office movie can be terribly disappointing, as is the case with Monsters Vs Aliens. Why’s it disappointing? Because we’re not entirely sure there’s anything to properly mock about it - it looks funny, it’s in 3D and it stars Stephen Colbert, Paul Rudd, Will Arnett, Kiefer Sutherland and Seth Rogen - just about the best approximation of a hecklerspray safe list ever created. Seriously, we’re stumped. And, frankly, we blame the American public. If only you’d been more eager to go and see dreary-looking films about spooky Connecticut, we wouldn’t be in this position. Damn you.
Weekend Box Office: Witch Mountain Pees On Watchmen’s Parade
Anyone with half a brain knew that Watchmen would open at number big in the weekend box office last week. The real question, though - the question that could potentially lead to other beloved comicbooks being adapted into spectacular big-budget movies - was whether Watchmen could keep the weekend box office number one spot. It can’t. Almost 70% fewer people saw Watchmen this weekend. So there’ll be less movies like Watchmen in the future, and more like Race To Witch Mountain. Bad news for serious geeks, but great news for creepy, perpetually adolescent geeks.
Anyone with half a brain knew that Watchmen would open at number big in the weekend box office last week. The real question, though - the question that could potentially lead to other beloved comicbooks being adapted into spectacular big-budget movies - was whether Watchmen could keep the weekend box office number one spot. It can’t. Almost 70% fewer people saw Watchmen this weekend. So there’ll be less movies like Watchmen in the future, and more like Race To Witch Mountain. Bad news for serious geeks, but great news for creepy, perpetually adolescent geeks.
Watchmen Utilises Blue Penis Power To Top Weekend Box Office
Watchmen is the frenziedly-anticipated, two decades in the making movie adaptation of an alarmingly revered comic book. So you’ll never guess what. Watchmen is the top weekend box office movie, outperforming all the other new movies like, um, oh. Watchmen was the only new movie in the US weekend box office this week. Of course, Watchmen’s weekend box office success was probably down to Zack Snyder, who the Watchmen posters describe as being a ‘visionary director’. Proof then that you’re a visionary if you can film lots of angry people doing crap in slow motion. Better luck next time, Pythagoras.
Watchmen is the frenziedly-anticipated, two decades in the making movie adaptation of an alarmingly revered comic book. So you’ll never guess what. Watchmen is the top weekend box office movie, outperforming all the other new movies like, um, oh. Watchmen was the only new movie in the US weekend box office this week. Of course, Watchmen’s weekend box office success was probably down to Zack Snyder, who the Watchmen posters describe as being a ‘visionary director’. Proof then that you’re a visionary if you can film lots of angry people doing crap in slow motion. Better luck next time, Pythagoras.
Weekend Box Office: Tyler Perry Beats Off The Jonas Brothers
The Jonas Brothers are a genuine sensation - in all seriousness, they might just be the biggest act on Earth. And the Jonas Brothers had a film out on Friday. So what's the number one movie at the weekend box office this week? You guessed it - it's Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. Poor old the Jonas Brothers - they weren't really supposed to be beaten by a man dressed as a fat old lady for another decade until their success waned and they developed drug habits that opened them up to a world of mind-bending transsexual S&M. Those lucky Jonas Brothers.
The Jonas Brothers are a genuine sensation - in all seriousness, they might just be the biggest act on Earth. And the Jonas Brothers had a film out on Friday. So what's the number one movie at the weekend box office this week? You guessed it - it's Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. Poor old the Jonas Brothers - they weren't really supposed to be beaten by a man dressed as a fat old lady for another decade until their success waned and they developed drug habits that opened them up to a world of mind-bending transsexual S&M. Those lucky Jonas Brothers.
