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Weekend Box Office

Four Christmases Yammers To Top Of Weekend Box Office

by Stuart Heritage

Good news – Vince Vaughn’s new movie Four Christmases has done better at the weekend box office than his last Christmas movie Fred Claus.

In fact, Four Christmases has done so much better that it’s the top movie at the US weekend box office this week, beating off cultish vampire phenomenons, big-budget historical epics and dumb actioners alike.

That’s great news for Vince Vaughn and the cast and crew of Four Christmases, but don’t think that first paragraph was a compliment – just to add a little bit of perspective, here’s a list of other things that are better than Fred Claus: Bridge To Terabithia, I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, Alvin And The Chipmunks, YouTube videos of people getting injured, genital herpes, crying pensioners, papercuts and smacking yourself about the face with a brick. Doesn’t make Four Christmases look so good in comparison, does it?

Good news - Vince Vaughn's new movie Four Christmases has done better at the weekend box office than his last Christmas movie Fred Claus. In fact, Four Christmases has done so much better that it's the top movie at the US weekend box office this week, beating off cultish vampire phenomenons, big-budget historical epics and dumb actioners alike. That's great news for Vince Vaughn and the cast and crew of Four Christmases, but don't think that first paragraph was a compliment - just to add a little bit of perspective, here's a list of other things that are better than Fred Claus: Bridge To Terabithia, I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, Alvin And The Chipmunks, YouTube videos of people getting injured, genital herpes, crying pensioners, papercuts and smacking yourself about the face with a brick. Doesn't make Four Christmases look so good in comparison, does it?
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Twilight Tops Weekend Box Office A Month After Logic Dictated

by Stuart Heritage

Did you write off High School Musical as tiresomely juvenile even though you knew you’d actually wet yourself if the exact same sentiments were conveyed in a slightlyemo way?

Then you’ll be thrilled to hear that that Twilight is the weekend box office number one.

You know how every girl between the ages of 25 and 30, whether they admitted it or not, went through a stage where they dabbled in witchcraft because of the movie The Craft? Well, you should probably get used to a few years of teenage girls pretending to be vampires, because Twilight isn’t just the top movie at the US weekend box office but the genesis of something that seems genuinely close to being a phenomenon.

While Twilight’s weekend box office success has its obvious downsides – like the fact that people have decided that Paramore aren’t a cock-awful gaggle of useless bad emo twits any more – it also has its upsides. For instance, Twilight’s success means that if you’re British, have quite a nice haircut and wouldn’t be able to say or do anything even remotely charismatic even atknifepoint , you’re now guaranteed to get a girlfriend. True, she’ll be 14 years old and literally as annoying as a human being can get, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Did you write off High School Musical as tiresomely juvenile even though you knew you'd actually wet yourself if the exact same sentiments were conveyed in a slightlyemo way? Then you'll be thrilled to hear that that Twilight is the weekend box office number one. You know how every girl between the ages of 25 and 30, whether they admitted it or not, went through a stage where they dabbled in witchcraft because of the movie The Craft? Well, you should probably get used to a few years of teenage girls pretending to be vampires, because Twilight isn't just the top movie at the US weekend box office but the genesis of something that seems genuinely close to being a phenomenon. While Twilight's weekend box office success has its obvious downsides - like the fact that people have decided that Paramore aren't a cock-awful gaggle of useless bad emo twits any more - it also has its upsides. For instance, Twilight's success means that if you're British, have quite a nice haircut and wouldn't be able to say or do anything even remotely charismatic even atknifepoint , you're now guaranteed to get a girlfriend. True, she'll be 14 years old and literally as annoying as a human being can get, but beggars can't be choosers.
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Quantum Of Solace Tops Weekend Box Office Despite Silly Name

by Stuart Heritage

It may have zero dialogue, an impenetrable plot and a man who is James Bond in name alone, but people love Quantum Of Solace.

Quantum Of Solace isn’t just the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. In fact, Quantum Of Solace is the biggest James Bond movie ever to open at the US weekend box office, taking $70 million in the process. And that proves one thing about Quantum Of Solace above anything else – people really, really like the Bourne movies.

But, hey, Quantum Of Solace features a James Bond who’s dispensed with the wit, style and panache that we’re used to seeing to become a scowling robot whose job mainly seems to involve driving speedboats through explosions and punching Frenchmen. And that’s popular in America. Who knew?

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Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa Aces Weekend Box Office

by Stuart Heritage

This week was a momentous one in America’s history, and America reacted in time-honoured fashion – by going to see a silly cartoon about funny animals.

That’s right – Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa isn’t just number one at the US weekend box office this week, but – since it’s the first weekend box office number one since the general election – it’ll forever be linked with Barack Obama’s historic achievement.

So remember this day well, readers, for Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa will one day be the answer to a pub quiz question you’ll be asked. Admittedly the question will be ‘Which lowbrow animated movie sequel completely undermined the significant gravity of the appointment of America’s first black president by reaching number one in the weekend box office in the same week?’ but history is history.

This week was a momentous one in America's history, and America reacted in time-honoured fashion - by going to see a silly cartoon about funny animals. That's right - Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa isn't just number one at the US weekend box office this week, but - since it's the first weekend box office number one since the general election - it'll forever be linked with Barack Obama's historic achievement. So remember this day well, readers, for Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa will one day be the answer to a pub quiz question you'll be asked. Admittedly the question will be 'Which lowbrow animated movie sequel completely undermined the significant gravity of the appointment of America's first black president by reaching number one in the weekend box office in the same week?' but history is history.
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High School Musical 3 Spooks Out The Weekend Box Office

by Stuart Heritage

Ah, Halloween – when only the scariest, goriest, most psychologically-upsetting movies have a sniff of topping the weekend box office.

And that has never been more true than this year because the number one movie at the US weekend box office as we speak is one of the most awful, horrific movies ever made – High School Musical 3.

But High School Musical 3′s weekend box office success won’t be celebrated by everyone – its huge opening has forced Saw V into the number two spot. Maybe the Saw franchise can learn something from High School Musical 3′s appeal and adapt it into next year’s Saw VI. Let’s hope so, because we know for a fact that you’d all go and see a Saw movie that involved Zac Efron blowing his jaw off with a bomb made of putrid pig intestines.

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Max Payne: Mark Wahlberg Talks To The Weekend Box Office

by Stuart Heritage

We’ve literally been on the edge of our seats waiting for Max Payne because, in our estimation, it might just be the perfect movie.

True, Max Payne might be a videogame adaptation, but that’s not all. And true, Max Payne might be an adaptation of a videogame that we never really heard of, but that’s not all. Max Payne is an adaptation of a videogame that we never really heard of starring the bloke from The Happening. Perfect.

And we’re not the only ones who think so, obviously, because Max Payne is number one at the weekend box office, even beating Oliver Stone’s new George Bush movie. To be fair, one of those movies is an opportunistic flick about a braindead lunk responsible for countless deaths, but the other one’s Max Payne so what can you do?

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Weekend Box Office: Beverly Hills Chihuahua Humps Ridley Scott’s Leg

by Stuart Heritage

This weekend saw the release of Body Of Lies; a taut, relevant thriller starring two of the world’s biggest actors helmed by one of its biggest directors.

And that’s why Body Of Lies is the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. Oh, actually, wait, no – Body Of Lies isn’t the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. The number one movie at the US box office is actually Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a film about a chihuahua. In Beverly Hills. That stars some dogs.

But just because it was beaten to the number one weekend box office spot by Beverly Hills Chihuahua, it doesn’t spell total humiliation for Body Of Lies. After all, it wasn’t like it was beaten down to third place in the box office by a ropey horror movie that’s only been released now because it’s not good enough for the Halloween market. Oh, actually, wait, no…

This weekend saw the release of Body Of Lies; a taut, relevant thriller starring two of the world's biggest actors helmed by one of its biggest directors. And that's why Body Of Lies is the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. Oh, actually, wait, no - Body Of Lies isn't the number one movie at the weekend box office this week. The number one movie at the US box office is actually Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a film about a chihuahua. In Beverly Hills. That stars some dogs. But just because it was beaten to the number one weekend box office spot by Beverly Hills Chihuahua, it doesn't spell total humiliation for Body Of Lies. After all, it wasn't like it was beaten down to third place in the box office by a ropey horror movie that's only been released now because it's not good enough for the Halloween market. Oh, actually, wait, no...
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Beverly Hills Chihuahua Tops Weekend Box Office, Nobody Looks Ashamed

by Stuart Heritage

It’s such a stroke of genius that we’re astonished nobody had thought of it first – putting everyone’s favourite two loves of Beverly Hills and a chihuahua together in a movie.

Because the result is the complex, morally ambiguous rites of passage epic Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and it’s just become the number one movie at the weekend box office.

No wonder the weekend box office loves Beverly Hills Chihuahua – if anyone who’s seen the movie didn’t start to choke up at the moment when the Beverly Hills Chihuahua sits in a little chair wearing sunglasses and listening to Right Said Fred, well, we’re just not even sure that they’re human.

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Eagle Eye Flips Its Truck To The Top Of The Weekend Box Office

by Stuart Heritage

This is how much of a superstar Shia LaBeouf is now – he can get a film like Eagle Eye to the top of the weekend box office.

Now, true, that might not seem like a big deal, given that Eagle Eye’s big US weekend box office competition came in the form of two of the worst movies ever made, but don’t let that fool you – Eagle Eye’s pretty terrible too, you know.

How terrible? Terrible in that it’s about Shia LaBeouf running around following orders barked at him by an unseen force. That’s right – Eagle Eye is basically the first half of the first season of 24, except that Shia LaBeouf doesn’t even get to shoot any foreigners in the face, and he doesn’t have a trouble-prone booby teenage daughter. That’s how rubbish Eagle Eye is.

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Lakeview Terrace Tops Weekend Box Office & Shouts At It A Bit

by Stuart Heritage

One of the best ways to get to the top of the weekend box office is to make a film people can connect with – after all, don’t we all know someone who’s been stabbed through the eye with a pencil by a green-haired sociopath?

Similarly, Lakeview Terrace has managed to become the number one movie at the US weekend box office by provoking a number of universal fears in its audience like, for instance, what if the sanctuary of your own home can never provide the shelter you assumed it would? What if you had the power to get help taken away from you? What if you moved in next door to Samuel L Jackson and he turned out to be a bit of a tool?

Those are just some of the questions that Lakeview Terrace poses, and that’s possibly why it’s doing so well at the weekend box office. Us? We’re just looking forward to the sequel where Samuel L Jackson thinks that playing Leona Lewis songs at full volume all day is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Because that’s quite annoying, actually.

One of the best ways to get to the top of the weekend box office is to make a film people can connect with - after all, don't we all know someone who's been stabbed through the eye with a pencil by a green-haired sociopath? Similarly, Lakeview Terrace has managed to become the number one movie at the US weekend box office by provoking a number of universal fears in its audience like, for instance, what if the sanctuary of your own home can never provide the shelter you assumed it would? What if you had the power to get help taken away from you? What if you moved in next door to Samuel L Jackson and he turned out to be a bit of a tool? Those are just some of the questions that Lakeview Terrace poses, and that's possibly why it's doing so well at the weekend box office. Us? We're just looking forward to the sequel where Samuel L Jackson thinks that playing Leona Lewis songs at full volume all day is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Because that's quite annoying, actually.
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