Have you heard? NO ONE READS THE NEWS ANYMORE! IT’S ALL TWITTER’S STUPID FAULT! Yep, the Internet makes news less interesting to young people and something something… oh look someone’s put a picture of me on Facebook, face down in my own puke while wearing nothing but the fingerless glove inserted into my hole. PMSLMAO!
Young people are toweringly stupid and have the attention span of a mop bucket. They’ve probably not even got this far into the article, skim-reading their way to the end to see if there are any links.
And this is where Channel 4′s THIS JUST IN comes in. Read More >>>
Here’s something we weren’t really expecting – hecklerspray’s just won the runner-up prize in the UK2.0 Britain Upgraded awards.
Set up to recognise websites that are ‘truly taking Britain into the world of Web 2.0′, the UK2.0 Britain Upgraded awards have decided that we’re the second-best entertainment website in the country. Which we’re perfectly OK with, since the only thing that beat us was the gigantic, wonderful BBC iPlayer. And coming second only to nationally-broadcast television programmes suits us just fine.
So that’s best British blog in 2007, the 45th most powerful blog in the world in 2008 and second-best entertainment website in the UK (or first best entertainment website that isn’t directly funded by the public, as we prefer to think of it) in 2009. What’ll we get in 2010? Some food, hopefully. We’re so very hungry.
Also, £10 says that no New Kids On The Block fans were on the judging panel.
Bruce Springsteen really loves Halloween – he loves it more than songs with the word ‘born’ in the title and he loves it more than muttering about AIDS.
In fact, Bruce Springsteen loves Halloween so much that he’s decided to dress up as the devil and release a brand new vaguely spooky song entitled A Night With The Jersey Devil on his website for free, just because today happens to be Halloween.
It’s a clever move. And it’s prompted other old rockers to follow – next week Rod Stewart will release a song called Bonfire Night (Of My Heart) on his website, followed by Huey Lewis posting a song called I Give Thanks To You, Baby on November 27 and then Elton John releasing Woo, It’s The International Year Of Astronomy! on January 15, just because he couldn’t wait an extra month and do one for Valentine’s Day, the impatient sod.
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As we all know, Ringo Starr has too much to do these days to justify pointless crap like being nice to his own fans.
However, some crazy old idiots got upset at Ringo Starr’s recent request for his fans to stop sending him stuff, so he’s decided to clarify his confusing little outburst. You see, Ringo Starr only wants you to stop sending him stuff because it hurts the environment and objects he signs only end up being hawked on eBay anyway.
Ringo’s quick decision to clear up the mess he made should be applauded – now we know that he doesn’t hate his fans, just the fans who like buying his autographs on the internet. And now we can also be sure that it really was Ringo Starr in that video earlier this week, rather than the melted underpowered robot of a kestrel in sunglasses that we assumed we were watching.
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All break-ups must be difficult, but it probably stings a bit more if your ugly, almost-pensionable husband leaves you for a funny-looking Swiss lady.
Which is why Shania Twain is hurting so bad at the moment, because her 14-year marriage to Mutt Lange ended when he apparently started having it off with a woman who, to all intents and purposes, looks like a fire-damaged Sandra Bernhard bobblehead doll.
But if anyone can keep Shania Twain’s spirits up it’s her fans, all of whom Shania has sincerely thanked from the bottom of her heart in a message on her website. Don’t get too excited, though, because Shania Twain makes it perfectly that her heart has been broken into tiny pieces. So she’s thanking you from the bottom of something that doesn’t even work properly. What a massive bitch.
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Some of you may have laughed off the imminent New Kids On The Block reunion as a casual threat invented by someone who clearly hates mankind.
But that's where you'd be wrong. The New Kids on The Block reunion is happening. The group couldn't be more serious about it happening. They're so serious that there's a brand new song on the New Kids On The Block website.
And you know what? The new New Kids On The Block song is actually really goo… no, we're just kidding. It's crap.
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You know the score by now – hecklerspray presents a brief poetry-based diversion to brighten up your cripplingly dull Monday. Apart, of course, from those of you who now take this contest so seriously we're genuinely getting a little bit frightened.
This week we're asking you to scribble out lyrical odes to smilin' Thom Yorke and his pals in Radiohead. But – before we get onto that – let's take a look at last week's winner, shall we?
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