waxwork - HecklerSpray

Patrick Swayze’s Widow Does ‘Dirty’ Pose With His Wax Dummy

October 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Many saw the funny side of Patrick Swayze’s death because he played a ghost in a film. Those same people probably didn’t care much for Dirty Dancing, so thought they’d troll everyone who looked upset.

Much like those hooting at those wailing over pictures of Colonel Gaddafi at the moment. Basically, death brings out the comedian in everyone. LONG LIVE GALLOWS HUMOUR!

With that, have you seen Lisa Niemi? She’s Swayze’s widow. Grief can do weird things to a person and she’s been photographed doing something rather unsettling with a Patrick Swayze dummy.

Susan Boyle Wants To Touch Your Boyparts

October 13th, 2011 By Robin Darke

Dear hecklersprayers, this article contains information that may ruin your appetite and could even inflict some serious mental damage, distrust of the female nether-parts up to and including the Predator?s face.

Right, with that legal stuff out the way, it's bad news for all straight men and gay women out there. Susan Boyle is on the look for a suitable mate.

We can't actually bring ourselves to speak of the hairiest winner of Britain?s Got Talent in a sexual light. It just seems very, very wrong. Like how you wouldn't want to know about your grandparent?s sex life, or how your mother explains the first time you find a condom in their bedroom. An uneasy, topsy turvy feeling in your stomach makes you want to vomit enough bile to make Example think ?Jeez, they're being a bit harsh.?

Susan Boyle Does Depeche Mode Cover, Which Will Irritate You No Doubt

September 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when we all laughed at Susan Boyle because she had a funny face? Then she started singing and everyone said in unison; ‘Wow, you can have a funny face AND sing! Who knew?!’ Remember?

Then, when the initial shock of Boyle’s voice ebbed away, everyone went back to pointing and laughing at her. Remember that?

Well, she’s going to turn that hooting mockery into hatred from Depeche Mode fans. That’s because a) Depeche Mode fans are some of the weirdest, most dedicated, joyless nutters you’ll ever meet and b) Susan Boyle has recorded a cover version of a Depeche Mode song.

Susan Boyle Replica Waxwork Gargoyle Constructed In Her Honour

April 20th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Susan Boyle may well be known partially for her angelic singing ability, but really, we’re more interested in her crazy antics. She’s like Michael Jackson, only without the crazed fans, dance moves and court appearances.

And now, it is that time of year when your obese uncle visits because he's eaten his own cupboards bare, Britain?s Got Talent has rolled round to gnaw away the ITV schedule.

So it seems only fitting that Susan Boyle gets a waxwork replica dedicated to her in the world's most cruddy museum chain, Madame Tussauds. This way, the PR behind Britain?s Got Talent can revert to a former success story when the UK public realise that this year?s so called crop of talent is a load of drivel.

Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Got Together Thanks To Animal Husbandry From Meddling Adults

March 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Imagine an adult human parading a child around at a cattle market before a bunch of other adults, all hooting a braying while vying for position, showing off photos of their own offspring in an attempt to make a pair of children have sex.

This may sound like the most distressing thing ever (or, MTV’s ‘Date My Mom’), but this is pretty much what happened when Selena Gomez go together with Justin Bieber.

Sweet Jeebus.

Madame Tussauds Create More Lifelike Version Of Justin Bieber

March 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber has had a waxwork unveiled at Madame Tussauds in London, with many gasping at just how human the dummy is in comparison to the thimble sized singer. Of course, stupid fans shrieked and yelped while trying to ignore the fact it doesn’t really look like him.

Needless to say, the Never Say Never star (surely, ‘Never Say Never’ should simply be called ‘Say’ then?) didn’t mind. It afforded him the chance to receive ultimately unrewarding adulation for looking exactly like himself.

Grinning like a tooth-filled dimwit, Bieber delivered a speech that the world’s greatest raconteur would be envious of. He said it was ‘awesome’.

Robert Pattinson Starts Music Career But Gets Drunk First In Order To Gain Some Kind Of Personality

September 22nd, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

There isn’t much about Robert Pattinson is there? If he wasn’t in some vaguely successful films about vampires who are ashamed of their own erections, then you’d probably hang a coat off him and think no more of it.

In a bid to get some personality, Pattinson has decided to do two things. Apparently, the third option was to write “PERSONALITY” on his forehead in permanent marker, but alas, the person assigned to the job got so bored looking at his face that they fell asleep midway through the job, leaving Pattinson walking around with the word “PERSON” written across his brow.

So what’s he up to now? It involves the baby steps of a music career and getting blind drunk.

An Elephant Tries To Do The Right Thing By Crushing Robert Pattinson

September 6th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson is a crashing bore isn’t he? There’s so little about him that, should you see him at a party, you might be tempted to hang your coat on him. Even then, your coat would become so bored of hanging on such a useless lump that it would throw itself to the ground in the hope someone might steal it.

Still, that doesn’t stop Pattinson and his face soiling the undercarriages of the world’s tweens. They just can’t get enough of him. His bored, motionless face looks like smouldering, caged-up sexuality to their eyes. They luurrrve him. They want to ride him like a stolen moped.

This is, of course, all very irritating. Which is why hecklerspray salutes our newest hero – an elephant who nearly crushed Robert Pattinson into being a rather boring corpse.

More lifelike Robert Pattinson unveiled at Madame Tussauds

March 25th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! Look! It’s Robert Pattinson! Like a pale Na’vi from Pandora (that’s an Avatar reference y’stinkin’ dolt) he quietly goes about his business with his face and his trousers and hair, making women scream and cum with the merest of bashful glances. The only thing is girls, he’s not going to bite your neck and drain you of blood because a) He’s an actor playing a role and b) You’re hideously ugly. However, you can now stroke the groin of Pattinson without him dry heaving in your face!

The most lifelike Robert Pattinson cost ?150,000 to make… at Madame Tussauds! See what we did there? We effectively said that the real Robert Pattinson is less charismatic than a chunk of carved wax! We’re so droll! You fans of R-Pattz are probably equally envious of our astonishing wit AND furious with us for slighting the coal eyed hunk.

So, a waxwork Pattinson? What would you do with one of those if you could borrow one for the night (presuming it is anatomically correct of course – if not, you could glue one of those vampire vibrators that are being sold online which you put in the fridge so they come out cold and corpse like).