Watchmen is the frenziedly-anticipated, two decades in the making movie adaptation of an alarmingly revered comic book.

So you’ll never guess what. Watchmen is the top weekend box office movie, outperforming all the other new movies like, um, oh. Watchmen was the only new movie in the US weekend box office this week.

Of course, Watchmen’s weekend box office success was probably down to Zack Snyder, who the Watchmen posters describe as being a ‘visionary director’. Proof then that you’re a visionary if you can film lots of angry people doing crap in slow motion. Better luck next time, Pythagoras.

It’s been a long time coming, and subject to all kinds of lawsuits and creative cul-de-sacs, but finally the Watchmen movie is here, and it’s number one at the weekend box office. Is this because Warner Bros successfully managed to galvanise the comicbook aficionados into thinking that Watchmen was a movie they couldn’t live without seeing? No, it’s because Watchmen has a big blue cock in it, and all comicbook aficionados are perverts.

Still, because of Watchmen’s success, several other beloved comicbooks from 25 years ago are also being rushed into production. Personally, the one we’re most looking forward to seeing is the adaptation of The Whizzer And Chips 1983 Christmas Annual. We hear that Sean Penn’s attached to star as Sid’s Snake. Exciting. Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 - Watchmen (Watchmen is now officially the best-performing movie about a blue penis since that movie where Paul Walker got trapped in the snow with some dogs) $55,655,000

2 - Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail (Since prison-set movies are obviously doing well for him at the moment, Tyler Perry has just announced that his next movie will be a remake of Chained Heat, starring only adult men in aged female fatsuits. Sexy!) $8,800,000

3 - Taken (Do you love films where nothing happens for ages then a woman gets kidnapped and Liam Neeson goes to get her with almost no complications and then the film finishes? Then you’ll LOVE Taken) $7,450,000

4 - Slumdog Millionaire (If you had to make a porno spin-off of Slumdog Millionaire, what would you call it? Bumdog Millionaire? Slumdogging Millionaire? Slumdog Jizz In Your Hair? We need to know. Um, for a friend) $6,925,000

5 - Paul Blart: Mall Cop (We think we speak for every one here when we say “Blart? Blart? BLAAAAAART!” Again, we don’t know if that line is in the movie. We just know that it should be) $4,200,000

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