Everyone just take a deep breath for a minute. We understand that you all feel hurt and that something like this could have happened; we know, we know, it means a lot to all of us. None of us wanted this to happen, but different people have different opinions of things.
It’s not the end of the World. We all liked Watchmen, even you lot at the back who say that the book is one of the greatest novels ever written and that Zach Snyder should be repeatedly anally violated with laminated copies of The Beano in penance for his heinous crime. Yes yes, the giant alien octopus is a much better plot point than the threat of nuclear war. Of course.
Anyone who’s anyone who’s anyone knows the importance that Watchmen had on the history of sequential art (which is a cockended way of saying ‘comics’).
It had boobies and swearing and violence, as well as a final twist that is consistently ranked as one of the greatest twists in fictional history; ranked after the Hungry Caterpillar eating an apple and not the eyes of a sleeping gentleman nearby but before O’Shaughnessy’s antics in The Maltese Falcon.
We all love Watchmen, but what would you say if you found out that a sequel was in the works?
Have you heard of Amy Adams? No? She’s an actress. Or something. We assume so because she’s just be handed the role of Lois Lane in the latest Superman film. That’s for definite. The producers have confirmed it and everything.
Director Zack Snyder says that this three-time Oscar nominee (best foley artist? *shrug) has “the talent to capture all of the qualities we love about Lois: smart, tough, funny, warm, ambitious and, of course, beautiful”.
And raven haired! Wait! Uh. Looks like Snyder will have to buy a wig or some Garnier Nutrisse or whatever it is girls poison their hair with.
Movies. They’re daft enough as it is, right? All those lovies and thesps taking themselves immensely seriously while playing make-believe for huge sums of money. It’s all rather cute isn’t it?
Of course, when us humans aren’t watching films, we’re mocking them.
Thanks to the internet, we can mock them in front of millions of people. The best movies parodies are done with a modicum of heart and fondness and those nice people at Aero have asked us to compile a list of our favourite YouTube movie spoofs in exchange for the middle bits of the bubbles that they put in their chocolate.
Zack Snyder, the bloke who directed 300 and gave cinemas a swaying CGI penis in Watchmen, is going to direct the new Superman movie. The film is due out next year and will be written by Christopher Nolan, the director of the Dark Knight movie.
That’s all rather exciting isn’t it? It’ll be nice to have a Superman film which isn’t all glossy and hokey. We’d like to see Superman going really, really dark and depressing.
It’s believed that Snyder landed the gig ahead of other people with names, notably, Darren Aronofsky, Ben Affleck, Matt Reeves and Tony Scott. If this new Superman film is anything Dark Knight, then we should be in for a treat. Read More >>>
Internet banking (never waste another Saturday afternoon queuing up again. You will probably lose all your money when someone hacks into your account, but by the end of this year you won’t have any left anyway)
Fearne Cotton vomiting her way up Kilimanjaro (looks like those nights spent slumped at a glass table are taking their toll)
Dresses over jeans (ladies, imagine your man wearing his dressing gown over his jeans. Imagine how pleased you’d be. There you go)
Only thirteen episodes per season of Mad Men (makes us mad. And it’s unlucky)
People who always want to make you a cup of tea (we don’t all drink it, you know? How about offering a beer instead? Can’t think of a better way to mark 9.30 in the morning)
Anyone with half a brain knew that Watchmen would open at number big in the weekend box office last week.
The real question, though – the question that could potentially lead to other beloved comicbooks being adapted into spectacular big-budget movies – was whether Watchmen could keep the weekend box office number one spot.
It can’t. Almost 70% fewer people saw Watchmen this weekend. So there’ll be less movies like Watchmen in the future, and more like Race To Witch Mountain. Bad news for serious geeks, but great news for creepy, perpetually adolescent geeks.
When Watchmen is released next month, it’ll be like Christmas come early for about 17 or so lonely spods.
But after Christmas always comes Boxing Day, the day when you’re forced to eat leftovers and play with the new toys you’re already bored with. And for Watchmen fans, Boxing Day might just come in the form of Watchmen 2 – the Watchmen sequel that’s been made up exclusively out the mind of a Hollywood executive who hasn’t read the comic books or seen the film and thinks the whole thing is about a band of part-clock mutants.
Everyone just take a deep breath for a minute. We understand that you all feel hurt and that something like this could have happened; we know, we know, it means a lot to all of us. None of us wanted this to happen, but different people have different opinions of things.
